Why Don’t They Make Hooters for Women?

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My husband loves to annoy me. One of his favorite ways is by suggesting the family eat dinner at Hooters. The kids (I need to point out, they are all girls) hang on his every word. But they don’t understand what Hooters is. Nor do they understand the concepts of dirty old men, negative attention, [...]

When Your New BFF Doesn’t Know She Wants To Be Your BFF Yet

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So, you’ve met this mom at 5:30 a.m. CardioPump, and she’s wicked funny and laughs endearingly with her hand over her mouth when the breast-implants-bought-on-a-girls-roadtrip-to-Mexico nasty neighbor up front hits herself in the face with the hand weights. When you see that your new crush’s travel mug reads, “Yeah. I said it. So What,” you [...]

Lay the Spanx Wings Upon Me

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Is there anyone that remembers girdles? My mother wore one, and watching her wrestle into it never ceased to amuse me. I’d pop some Jiffy Pop and sit on the edge of the bed, and await the All-Star Wrestler that my mother became when she’d take on the Playtex 18-Hour Cross Your Heart I Can’t [...]

First World Closet Problems

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For a striking example of First World Problems, I submit, Exhibit A: The Walk-In Closet. More times than I can count, I have stood amidst shameful racks and stacks of clothing, muttering to myself, “I have NOTHING to wear!” Nothing, no thing. No swathe of material that I deem appropriate to place over my body [...]

The Real Porn for Women

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The line that hits me strongest (so far) in Caitlin Moran’s book, How to Be a Woman (which my awesome friend, Andreae, loaned me), is: “Imagine if pornography was not this bizarre, mechanized, factory-farmed fucking… Imagine if it were about desire.” Moran goes on to talk about how pornography would look if women were making [...]

The Easiest Diet In The World

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Most women I know have dieted, are dieting, or plan to diet. I mean, I can’t be the only one that has to lose twenty-five pounds by this Saturday.

Why Women Aren’t Funny

Why Women Aren't Funny

I hear a lot of nonsense about how women aren’t funny. In fact, it’s actually a joke I often make myself. You see, I like my humor dry (and shaken, not stirred). See, when I think about spending the afternoon with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, I think about how dull and dreary it would [...]

Britain: No Place to be Pretty, or Successful

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There has been a recent media storm in the UK. It surrounds a bold woman who wrote an article in one of the daily tabloid newspapers, declaring that her life has been difficult due to her stunning beauty. The newspaper in question is renowned for printing material that provokes a knee-jerk reaction and this story [...]

Dear Daughter, Please Watch This

The thing is. For real. It doesn’t matter to me. If you’re liberal. Or conservative. A Republican. Democrat. Libertarian. Undecided. Independent. Once upon a time, if you were a woman, you couldn’t vote. Not because you had to go pick up your kids. Or had to work. Or make dinner. You couldn’t vote because you [...]

Open Letter To Adele’s Attending Physician

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Dear Doctor of Adele: First off, let me congratulate you, esteemed Doctor, on being the professional privy to one of the world’s most beloved performers in the past one hundred years. What an honor, you must be so secretly proud.  How I have come by this information is of no matter.  There is an issue [...]

He’s Sexy and He Knows It

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There are fundamental differences between men and women. Some are obvious, like having a penis or a lack thereof, while others are subtler. But there are definite nuances that separate the people of Venus from the people of Mars. Here are a few signs that you might be a man:

Feminism NOT Someone’s Thing? Seriously?

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Years ago, I sat in the ninth circle of hell, a.k.a a “training session.” A young woman in her early 20s moderated. “Tomorrow, we have SoAndSo speaker, they’ll be discussing the evolution of the feminist movement in the Blahblah room.” She then rolled her eyes and continued, “I mean, I’m not a feminist or anything, [...]