I’ve Got Frank Sinatra’s Storage Unit Contents For $10,000


There’s a show about a family pawn shop business that my kids and I are hooked on. It stars an old man with his signature lid fedora who says, “In my day” a lot. There’s an eager-for-daddy’s-approval 50ish year old son, a late 20 ish son of the man with the daddy fixation, who tantrums [...]

I Have Never Watched a Weatherman


It’s estimated that today we’re supposed to receive two to four inches of snow here in Chicago. Just two days ago it was in the mid-thirties. Been a great winter so far. For those of you in the South who are wincing now, we all hate you up here. For real, yo. Yesterday the big [...]

My 12 Pop Culture Dads

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A few years ago, I had an amazing idea for a documentary. Someone should interview all of the TV dads from 80s sitcoms, the guys who helped shepherd all of us 80s children into adulthood, and find out where they are now and how they coped with being pop culture patriarchs (and also why all [...]

10 Pop Culture Moms Who Inspire Me

"Moses? Nice try, Gwynnie. Try naming your son after a euphemism for your vag and we'll talk."

Yesterday was my first Mother’s Day, and it got me thinking about all the moms who’ve paved the way for me, teaching me important life lessons. I’m speaking, of course, of my pop culture moms, the women who helped raise me with their weary one-liners, picture-perfect meatloaves, and iconic hairdos. And I am forever grateful [...]

My Kids Have a Dora Problem


These are my kids’ brains on Dora.

I’m Bringing Sexy Back (Ouch.)

My view today. Dogs, the end of the bed and my bathroom door. Scenic on a 75 degree day, no?

I have a history of some pretty nasty back issues. They started when I was rear-ended by a drunk driver seven months pregnant. My seat collapsed back and my car was totaled. No major physical damage to me, you know, except for two herniated discs, a sprained wrist and a sprained ankle. No worries, baby was [...]

Dr. House’s World vs. The Real World

We cannot be responsible for any vertigo sympoms brought on by looking at this photo.

I love medical shows. I am unnaturally attached to medical shows. It’s a sickness, really. I will watch a medical show to the end. Take E.R., for example. Set in Chicago, it was fast-paced, emotional, gruesome at times–and there were some great story lines. I loved it! Even when they jumped the shark, I was [...]

How To Win Your Super Bowl Pool

Football and Rainbows always go together, AMIRIGHT?

This is where I admit I am not the biggest sports fan. I mean, I like sports. I like watching sports. I just don’t have time to watch sports. In fact, I realized last night I hadn’t had the actual clicker (remote control for those of you not good at vocab) in my hand for [...]

How To Write a Comedic Character Monologue


No, you’re not writing a set for your local Chuckle Hut. This is an improv exercise for non-writers to come up with a short character piece; you know, for your SNL audition. You’ll try on a few characters’ skins to see which fits best. Sort of like Buffalo Bill from “Silence of the Lambs” but [...]

Secret Life of an American Mom

I know. They're shocked, too!

This is a serious confession people! Serious! So serious I should un-google-able myself because one day my daughter will read this and I will have to admit something horrible. I watch “The Secret Life of an American Teenager.” There, I said it. After all, I will soon have two teenagers and we are American.  So [...]

EZPZ: How To Watch Any TV Show Without Paying A Dime


My apartment is not wired for cable. I know what you’re thinking: How is it that you have access to a computer in 1862, Una, and are Abraham Lincoln’s acne scars really that visible in real life? But no, friends. I live in New York, what some would argue is one of the most plugged-in, [...]

My Computer, My Babysitter

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There I was, minding my own business, catching up on episodes of “Food Revolution,” completely oblivious to the time, when my Hulu decided to give me a time out. This is the message that popped up on my screen: “Need a break? You’ve been watching for more than 3 hours.” Oh. You have got to [...]