How an extraordinarily sensitive father helps his delicate children deal with losing their dear friends. Warning: both deep and powerful.
Wanted: Stroller Assassin
A baby stroller tried to murder my husband, and I need a skilled Stroller Assassin to take this thing out once and for all. My husband and I have 2 little girls. Naturally with those bouncing curls, sugar and spice comes an array of girly toys. Most of the toys are innocuous enough, but some are pure [...]
EZPZ STFU, Barney
I have a really hard time being patient with my child’s noisy ass toys. They blink. They squeak. They toot & peep. They drive me up the mother effing wall. I mean, for the love, they should at least come with a volume control where your only option isn’t just “LOUD” & “SCREAM-Y LOUD.” Especially [...]
The horror. The HORROR.
There is a scourge among us. It all seems innocent enough but you don’t realize the horror that will befall you and your family until you invite them into your home. You feel compelled to touch them, hold them, squeeze them, but before you know it they start to multiply before your eyes. There’s two, [...]
Assmouth Monkey is Not a Myth
Okay, so on Christmas eve, a friend of mine was over helping me wrap presents and when we get to the sock monkey intended for my daughter, he tells me that it has a mouth on it’s ass. I repeat…A MOUTH ON ITS ASS. THE HELL? What are you babbling about, I ask him? Are [...]
