Movie Synopsis: The carving knife is stabbed in the turkey carcass without care. Even before the scarlet cranberry sauce has made its way through the guts, shoppers forego tryptophan-induced comas to run the bloody gauntlet of over-stocked shelves, long lines, and rickety-wheeled carts. Their only enemies are each other; evil lurks down every aisle. It’s…
Tag Archive: thanksgiving
Thankful For
Thankful for the crooked front tooth that makes the smile that often fills my face less than perfect but no less charming.
How to Make a Holiday Martini
Ah, the holidays! I can see it all now: The turkey on the table, the stuffing steaming next to it. The laughter of small children as they run around the table. Chuckles filling the air as Uncle Bob tells the annual story of how Uncle Pete once fell off the roof pretending to be Santa….
10 Things I’m Secretly Thankful For But Won’t Say Out Loud
There is no moment I dread more on Thanksgiving than the round-table sharing of what each person is thankful for. I dread this for two reasons: (1) if I open my mouth everyone will see that it is already full of stuffing and (2) I am thankful for a lot of superficial shit.
Day of the Plunger
Have you ever wondered why there aren’t more Thanksgiving songs? Maybe this photo explains why. I dedicate this song to those individuals who dedicate themselves to overeating to the point of physical discomfort each Thanksgiving, able to put out of their minds the lesson they should have learned from the year before. And the year…
15 Things to be Thankful for this Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving is right around the corner, and so I recently sat down and thought long and hard about the things that I’m thankful for. As I near the end of my fourth decade on this earth, I realize that I’ve got a healthy happy family, a good job, no hemorrhoids, and the opportunity to write…
How Aiming Low saved our Thanksgiving
With a name like Domestic Extraordinaire you would think that my house is always clean, hot meals are on the table every night, and that I look forward to making every holiday meal. You would think wrong.
