Setting: Prehistoric Times, a.k.a. 1977. Susan, am running ten minutes late to meet u at Leif Garrett concert. Was playing “I Was Made for Dancin’” on my 8-Track and got tangled in the tape. Save my seat!* *message scrawled on scrap of typewriter paper and attached to leg of carrier pigeon, released into the air. [...]
“Instructions for living a life. Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it.” ― Mary Oliver I’m no expert on life. I spend much my time huddled on the couch with a book and a blanket. Yet when I do go out with friends, I notice a shift in the atmosphere that I once enjoyed. Even though [...]
I guess some couples don’t change much after they have children. They’re still the same crazy, lovey-dovey kids they always were. Screw those guys. My wife and I are technically the same people we were when we met twenty years ago. We’re just twenty years older. And we have two kids who are almost three [...]
My partner left for the Bahamas this morning at 6 a.m. and, though I could vent and/or keen about life’s unfairness, it would not be relevant. The Trip of Bahamanian Unfairness is relevant only because I had to make my own coffee this morning which means that I was dumb as a door for a [...]
While doing dishes and refusing to wear earphones one afternoon, I discovered how to amplify my iPhone’s volume with the simplest technology of all: a bowl.
Forget about ophidiophobia (fear of snakes) and arachnophobia (fear of spiders)! Acrophobia (fear of heights) and agoraphobia (fear of open spaces) are for old timers! It’s time to modernize our fears. So I present to you the Top 5 Modern-Day Phobias*! If you have a fear of losing your phone, you have Phonusamittophobia! For many [...]
Sorry, Clark Kent, Superman and maybe even Jimmy… Lois Lane is going solo. In a fascinating turn of events, the veteran journalist of Metropolis’ Daily Planet is rumored to have booted both Clark Kent and Superman, who incidentally are never seen together but that doesn’t mean anything, from her tight circle of confidantes. The upgraded [...]
Two kinds of professionals make me nervous: teachers and cops. In the interest of my not getting arrested, let’s talk teachers. In the seventh grade, I had a history teacher that dictated the outline of each chapter of our American history book while also writing it on the blackboard. Like this: I. Causes for the American [...]
Video killed the radio star when I was a teen. Using a BlackBerry PlayBook you could see that video on a crisp app with your buddies, then email it to all your friends after posting it to your Facebook wall. This is the “cyber baby” generation. Age has very little to do with the term. [...]
Frequently, I find myself wondering how life was conducted before there were smartphones. This is particularly troubling as I was alive at a time when they did not exist. I didn’t have a cell phone to myself before college. Prior to that, I shared one with my dad and sister for emergencies only. Before that, [...]
It’s pretty clear that I’m not so smart. Like, I’m 31 and still, I can’t properly make coffee or Jell-O. I’m still convinced that 1990 was only ten years ago. I walk into walls and regularly talk to people who aren’t there. Because I am not smart and totally aware of it, it’s pretty easy [...]
Do you have a Windows computer? If not, you’re laughing at this post and walking away. If you DO, then you’re wondering to yourself a) What is maintenance? Am I supposed to be doing something? or b) That’s a PITA. There’s somewhere in between, folks, and it’s maintenance automation. Automation is awesome, and even if [...]
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