Picture a living room with a TV set on too loud in the background. A wife (me) is sitting on one sofa typing on a laptop, a husband (mine) is lounging on another sofa eating the last bit of a chocolate chip cookie made by the wife (me). Husband: Mmmm, man these are good… I’ll [...]
Do you suffer from a lack of restful sleep? Are you a parent? Are you an adult with responsibilities? If you are, you have probably experienced bouts of insomnia. It’s either trouble falling asleep–due to the ever-growing list that lights up your wall as you try to turn off your brain at night–or trouble staying [...]
Do your boobs hang low? Can you swing them to and fro? Can you tie ‘em in a knot? Can you tie ‘em in a bow? Do they flip and flop and dangle, Do they wind around your ankles? Can you do the double shuffle? When your boobs hang low? At 21, a friend of [...]
I’m not a hypochondriac, not normally. But then I had kids and I was sure that I had a brain tumor. Turns out, it was just the kids. As I age, I’ve realized that I want to live for a long time… so now I’m paranoid that I’m going to die.
It’s my birthday today. Yup. I’m going to be 29 again. I’ve been turning 29 for six years now. Lots of time to get the perfect 29th birthday planned. First, I’m going to read though the journals I kept as a teenager and laugh at my angsty teenage self. This will allow me to feel [...]
If you’re anything like, oh, everyone else besides Martha Stewart and Mrs. Claus, then at some point over the holidays you lost your mojo. Whether you wrapped it up and gave it to charity by accident or whether it’s sitting in someone’s freezer baked into a fruitcake they’re planning on re-gifting next year, the damn [...]
For Christmas I would like to not put out. I haven’t baked a cookie, wrapped a present, and I’ve barely shopped. My stellar case of laze might as well follow me to the bedroom this holiday season. But there is another person involved here: my Not-so Husband. Yeah, no means no. But there’s nothing like [...]
My first serious boyfriend was when I was sixteen. I know when I write “serious,” you’re thinking “they had sex.” We didn’t. He didn’t want to. Wait, scratch that. He was a human male. Of course he wanted to. But he didn’t believe in premarital sex. Yup. I found a rare one. He was the [...]
Pregnancy is full of the unexpected. Surprise, I conceived while still in the “planing to plan” stage. There was no pressure, just sexing it up and having a good time. When I found out that I was pregnant, I was ecstatic. I could finally eat and exhale. Surprise, carbs are my best friend.
When I was in high school my first official “boyfriend” told some people that we had sex and I was appalled. I wasn’t appalled that he was kissing and telling, I was appalled because it wasn’t true. We didn’t have sex. It wasn’t like I thought he was trying to spread rumors or brag. He [...]
Recently, I joined some colleagues for drinks. They were all men. I hadn’t seen many of these guys in a while and as I looked around the table, I noticed a common theme in their appearance. Every single one of them had noticeably gained weight. And I? I felt victorious.
My husband and I have similar senses of humor: dirty, entirely inappropriate, often juvenile and generally offensive. That’s why we’ve been married for almost 11 years. It’s the reason I didn’t become one of those statistics — girls who get married at 20 years old aren’t always happily married to the same person at 31. [...]
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