When I was nine, I was strong and beautiful. No one was better than I was. When I was nine, I knew what I wanted and what I was going to be. When I was nine, my whole life lay before me, filled with adventure and laughter. When I was nine, everything was simple.
I have a dance performance on Thursday. I think these things are usually called ‘recitals’, but I don’t know because I haven’t danced in anything resembling a recital since I was eight. It’s going to be in the auditorium of my school in front of everyone. When I was eight and dancing in a recital, [...]
Last week, there was a big brouhaha over a TIME magazine cover and article. It was well-timed (or ill-timed, depending on how you look at it), because it was released just a couple of days shy of Mother’s Day. The cover shows a woman nursing her nearly four-year old son, who is standing on a [...]
I had on my typical weekend outfit, the one I wear when I’m not planning on going anywhere. I hole up and do homework and don’t think about how I look. Until one day a friend dropped by unexpectedly to pick up her coat she had forgotten. So I walked out to meet her, hyper-aware [...]
You’re not going to catch me lying about being a large lady. In Sir Mix-a-Lot land, I’ve got back and then some. Rap guys, apparently, like me. Becky? Not so much. Bitch. Being fat can be pretty awesome. Sure, it’s not awesome when I drop, say, a penny. But who needs a penny? See a [...]
Most women I know have dieted, are dieting, or plan to diet. I mean, I can’t be the only one that has to lose twenty-five pounds by this Saturday.
You have a superpower. You were born with it. Using it is effortless, or it least it should be. That power is kindness. And it blows away every other superpower out there. Well, except for flying. Or x-ray vision. Anyway. Why is kindness a superpower? Because kindness multiplies. Because kindness can beat the crap out [...]
An innocent child, I looked in the mirror. The sweet smile was wiped off my face quicker than stains with new awesome-fabric-amazing-clean-thing: The strawberry demons had risen, and had landed their spaceship on my unknowing forehead. It was absolutely horrific to have a zit! Sure enough, every other ten-year-old was clear as a summer sky, [...]
My high school choir teacher was a walking disaster. We spent more time on her stream-of-consciousness benders than we did warming up. We learned all about her codependent circus of a family and just how much she had cried at her latest solo viewing of The Titanic. I knew she was a moron after the [...]
If you are any kind of thinking person, you will make strides in your life to be better. A better friend. A better daughter. A better mother. A better person. You will also try to master certain activities like writing, playing the cello or a three-point shot. As you do these things, you will aim [...]
I have never been a fan of exercise and I am not much of an athlete. Yes, I played volleyball in junior high, but I could never get past the stinky knee pads. And yes, I played rugby in college but that seemed to be more about running away from people, being driven into the [...]
I hear a lot of nonsense about how women aren’t funny. In fact, it’s actually a joke I often make myself. You see, I like my humor dry (and shaken, not stirred). See, when I think about spending the afternoon with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, I think about how dull and dreary it would [...]
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