Santa’s calendar: The week before Christmas

Image via SXC

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 24TH, 2013 Busy day today. Don’t know how longer I can keep up this kind of schedule. Must make sure to hydrate and refill prescriptions. Christmas comes but once a year because Santa need to take a fucking seat, y’all. Pancake breakfast in New Jersey Photos at the mall (yawn) Fly in to New [...]

Five Wishes For Santa

santa baby

There are five things I’d like for Christmas, but I’m not planning on visiting the local mall to sit on some fat guy’s lap with my wish list in hand. A candy cane and a pat on the head isn’t going to give me the confidence I need to fulfill my Christmas wishes, either. I’ll [...]

Gift Cards: Yea or Nay?


As the holidays approach I’ve been thinking a lot about one subject. Gift cards. We all know that gift cards are wonderful presents for teachers or clients or nieces and nephews that we rarely see, but how do you feel about gift cards as stocking stuffers? As in “How did Santa know that you love [...]

An Open Letter to Elves


Dear Elves, I’m sorry for addressing you all as one, but I don’t know you personally. Why is that? Why don’t I know more about you? Why is it that Santa gets all the glory and you just toil away in the background? I’ve been thinking a lot about you lately. I worry about you. [...]

How to Keep Your Child Believing in Santa


We all KNOW Santa is real, right? I mean, sure we all went through that phase when we were younger where we decided our parents had lied because we found the price tag still on our boombox. But those were foolish days. The thing is, all kids go through that doubting phase. And it’s difficult [...]

Let’s Hope No Kids Google “Santa” in January


Over the past few weeks, I have noticed something about the Facebook status updates from my friends that have older children in regards to Santa. They’re in shock that their children are actually questioning his existence, even when said children are 10-12 years old. I will just come right out and say it: I don’t [...]

Merry Christmas Eve Eve. Eve.


Yes, my friends, it’s Christmas Eve Eve Eve and I’d like to share one of my family’s traditions/maladies with you. It’s called “premature eGiftulation”. For as long as I can remember, my family’s holiday gift exchange has started on Christmas Eve Eve Eve and possibly even Christmas Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve. I would [...]

A Liar’s Guide To Christmas

All hail the Prince of Lies!

‘Tis the season to be jolly! ‘Tis also the season of deception, subterfuge, and bald-faced lies. Giving your family a holiday full of surprises, warmth and wonderment involves lying like a cheap rug on the head of a used car salesman, so say goodbye to personal integrity and hello to A Liar’s Guide to Christmas. Parents: [...]

Santa’s Top 5 Pickup Lines


Ever wonder why Santa’s so jolly? I hear it’s because he’s money with the ladies. I know what you’re thinking: Mrs. Claus. Even so, the rumors persist. (Plus, I hear she’s got an elf fetish.) And I, personally, think that there’s something to them. Life on the road’s gotta get kinda lonely. All the mall [...]

Dear Santa


Dear Santa, First off, please do not tell my kids that I wrote you this letter because they are not allowed to write you letters. Well, that’s not true; they can write you letters, but they can not give you a list of things they want. They will grow up like I did, not knowing [...]

Santa Who?

Just in case. You know. In case he's real.

When I was a kid, my parents did the whole cookies-and-milk thing Christmas Eve and we wrote letters to Santa detailing the page of the Sears catalog where he could find our most coveted toy. While I was never big on the whole Santa deal (I figured it out when I was five… Santa and [...]

Enter To Win A Month Of Free PopChips!

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Indulge in the healthier, tastier chip option this year: Popchips! Which, by the way, just HAPPENS to fit in stockings perFECTly. Aiming Low will giveaway a month’s supply of Popchips to one lucky winner!