I live in a teeny house. I miraculously fit my two young daughters and most of their accoutrements into less than 100 square feet. Things sort of have to remain ‘just so’ in a little house with two adults and two small people and one human currently being incubated. Because I’m apparently a sucker for [...]
Confucius said, “It is a secure man who wears the bra of his wife on his head.” Or maybe it was me who said that. Whatever. Just know that someone really, really wise and smart said that. It was me. I have big boobs. I get it, men. Some of you might think, “HELLZ YEAH, [...]
New York — Although many may think that she is attempting to steal the thunder of Marni Kotak, the Brooklyn performance artist set to give birth in front of a live audience in The Microscope Gallery, “not so” says Uber-Performance Artist/Extreme Couponer Dusty Earth Mother. “I am so not copying the chick who’s popping spawn [...]
Do you worry that you’re going to offend a pregnant co-worker or friend? These handy tips will ensure that you stay on the right side of a pregnant woman. 1. Touch the bump. Most pregnant women do not want to be touched. Unless you’re the midwife, doctor, or at the very least the bump’s father, [...]
We saw the romantic comedies. We read the books. And here’s the stuff they left out: THE FIRST TRIMESTER: You’ll probably develop carpel tunnel syndrome from spending over an hour a day on Google trying to figure out if those niggling pains in your pelvic area that you’ve been feeling for a few days are [...]
A good friend of mine who is currently pregnant called me on the phone today. “Naomi,” she said. “I want to tell you a secret.” A secret? I love secrets! “Tell me. What is it?” I asked. She lowered her voice and whispered, “I’m going to eat my placenta.” “WHAT?” I practically screamed into the [...]
When you are very obviously days away from seven months pregnant, it seems really lame to have to get “Proof of Pregnancy” in order to get state health insurance. Finding myself single, jobless and without insurance at that point was bad enough! I wanted to tell the state employee that if my large belly, inability [...]
A strange thing happens when you become a mom. Actually, it begins when your belly first becomes big enough for people to assume you are carrying a tiny gremlin inside. Suddenly, random strangers feel the need to accost your distended uterus with their hands and tell you their personal thoughts about everything from epidurals and [...]
You are probably one of those women who looked gorgeous and radiant while you were pregnant, aren’t you? You probably only gained weight in your belly and no one could even tell you were pregnant until you were six months along. Did you wear your regular jeans until you were eight months pregnant using the [...]
So, I’m pregnant, which I’m sure you don’t know because it’s not like it’s all I talk about or anything. Aaaaaaaanyway. I’m approaching the home stretch, which is to say, I’m more than halfway through (I ran cross-country track in high school, and generally considered a race a victory if I made it to the [...]
If pregnancy were a book they’d cut the last two chapters – Nora Ephron, Heartburn, 1983 I’m so excited I want to shout it from the rooftops! After years of waiting, wanting, hoping and pleading I am finally going to experience the the joy of a new baby! I am going to be… an AUNT. [...]
By the time I was six years old, I had given birth multiple times. The way it worked was, I would put on one of my mom’s old silk kimonos (relics from her childless, bohemian days which had since been bequeathed to me for my “dress-up closet,” which was really just an old laundry hamper [...]
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