Pregnancy is full of the unexpected. Surprise, I conceived while still in the “planing to plan” stage. There was no pressure, just sexing it up and having a good time. When I found out that I was pregnant, I was ecstatic. I could finally eat and exhale. Surprise, carbs are my best friend.
Tag Archive: pregnancy
How to Piss off Your Wife on Her 35th Birthday
Sure, 35 isn’t a super duper milestone, but it ends in a five. We all know that when your age ends in a five or a zero, it’s a big deal, right? Thus, as my thirty-fifth birthday approached, visions of sugar-plums a mani/pedi at the spa or some new bling danced in my head. Unbeknownst to me,…
I Was Sixteen and Pregnant
My junior year held lots of things for me. I was a honor student with a 3.5 GPA. I was the secretary of our Student Council ,a representative for Ethiopia in Model UN, a 1st soprano in A Capella choir. I had my driver’s license and my own car. I had a great job. Oh…
The House Guests
I live in a teeny house. I miraculously fit my two young daughters and most of their accoutrements into less than 100 square feet. Things sort of have to remain ‘just so’ in a little house with two adults and two small people and one human currently being incubated. Because I’m apparently a sucker for…
“Say It With Yo’ Chest!”
Confucius said, “It is a secure man who wears the bra of his wife on his head.” Or maybe it was me who said that. Whatever. Just know that someone really, really wise and smart said that. It was me. I have big boobs. I get it, men. Some of you might think, “HELLZ YEAH,…
Live Birth In The Frozen Foods Aisle
New York — Although many may think that she is attempting to steal the thunder of Marni Kotak, the Brooklyn performance artist set to give birth in front of a live audience in The Microscope Gallery, “not so” says Uber-Performance Artist/Extreme Couponer Dusty Earth Mother. “I am so not copying the chick who’s popping spawn…
7 Ways to Annoy a Pregnant Woman
Do you worry that you’re going to offend a pregnant co-worker or friend? These handy tips will ensure that you stay on the right side of a pregnant woman. 1. Touch the bump. Most pregnant women do not want to be touched. Unless you’re the midwife, doctor, or at the very least the bump’s father,…
An Insider’s Guide: What You Never Expect When You’re Expecting
We saw the romantic comedies. We read the books. And here’s the stuff they left out: THE FIRST TRIMESTER: You’ll probably develop carpel tunnel syndrome from spending over an hour a day on Google trying to figure out if those niggling pains in your pelvic area that you’ve been feeling for a few days are…
