It’s not that my colleague would push his dogs into the great beyond to take their rightful place in pet heaven, but he would sign a ‘do not resuscitate’ if the opportunity showed up. Don’t go there, animal lovers! This is a humorous dialogue about three long-living senior citizens who have outlasted predicted demise…and their [...]
1. You try to open your front door with your car’s remote. 2. You spend ten minutes trying to remember whether you brushed your teeth. 3. You spend five more minutes realizing you could have just brushed them again already.
Animals, more often than not, make better friends than people do. They don’t subtly tell you that you look terrible, lie to you, or talk back. There is nothing more comforting than a hug from a four-legged, furry friend. When things get the most stressful–failing an important test or a friendship struggling–the unconditional love and [...]
Everyone knows someone–heck, you could be that someone–who thinks that the family pet is actually the family baby. It’s not just childless couples, either. I know one family with four kids–a daughter and three cats. I gotta admit, I think they’re kinda weird. Trying to get all the cats into a family photo is fun [...]
Brothers and Sisters, today we gather together to commemorate the life and death of Ernie the Parakeet. Purchased from the local Petsmart, Ernie quickly became a treasured member of the family. The Boy especially loved Ernie, and, oh, how Ernie loved living in his cage by the TV. Until one sad morning.
Meet Zoe. She would meet you back except she’s too busy sleeping all the damn time. And no one bothers her about this. No one. The Kid isn’t all: can I have a snack? Every 2.5 seconds. And Mr. Kitty doesn’t waltz over to announce there’s no minimum on something he MUST HAVE on [...]
It probably stems from my general love for language, but I get a real charge out of signage. While driving, I’m constantly scanning the roadsides looking for entertaining billboards, street signs, business placards: anything with words. I carry on witty dialogues with myself, responding to questions proposed by advertisements, supplying voice-overs for the people in [...]
Once upon a time, there were two young women who became college roommates. One of these women was quiet and studious and liked to spend her Saturday nights alone in her room, reading and drinking herbal tea. The other woman liked to go out and drink beer with her friends from the rugby team. Sometimes, [...]
I’m not the world’s worst mom, so after years of begging and guilting, I finally agreed to bring another woman into our family. The kids named her. They chose Princess Sprinkles Cookie. It was originally Sprinkles, but my four-year-old felt like she needed a middle name, so they added Cookie. Then my three-year-old felt left [...]
I’m concerned about my cat’s safety. I’m a little afraid my daughter might kill her. It’s not that my daughter is displaying any other signs that she will grow up to be a serial killer, it’s just that she has begun to cope incredibly well with the idea of no longer having her cat. Too [...]
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