Foreigner Was Right: Love is Urgent

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Even though she knows I hate Urgent Care, my daughter (let’s call her the Girl) has contracted poison oak again.  She’s swelling, she’s itching, she’s oozing.  The whole situation is downright miserable. For me.  But before your eyes roll, let me explain. I have a history of poor judgment regarding when a visit to Urgent Care [...]

Word To the Gamers In Your Life From Your Mama Del Roy: Video Games

Video Games music by Lana DelRey lyrics by Linda Roy Lyrics by Mama Del Roy Music by Lana Del Rey You haven’t seen our backyard Don’t make me stop this car Callin’ out my name “Mom get me a root beer, bring it over here I’m playing video games” Hurry up and get dressed You’re [...]

Walk The Walk

Not me, but it sure could have been with those clothes.

You know how kids sometimes don’t do things when you ask them to? Yeah, I know it’s rare, but every once in a while they just seem to forget when you mentioned that the laundry needed to be put in the dryer after the buzzer went off and the dry clothes need to be folded. [...]

Calgon refuses to take me away.

I slipped away after supper thinking I might grab a relaxing soak in the tub. The first 90 seconds of my bath? Sublime. Remember those “Calgon, Take Me Away” ads from the 1970s? For a minute and a half, I was that last scene of the transformed harried housewife, at last calmly luxuriating in her [...]

The Timeworn Tale of the Sick Mother and the Children Who Didn’t Care.

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I spent Friday feverish, throat like a Brillo Pad, dreading the moment the kids would come home. I heard them enter, my husband shushing them with a “Mom’s sick! Let her sleep!” The door squeaked. I sensed little faces staring at me in the dimness of my shuttered bedroom, their breathing like stage whispers. My [...]

And We Will Never, Ever Vacation Again

It's all fun and cute games until Mommy doesn't get enough sleep

Recently, my husband and I tried to be fun and took our kids to the beach for a week.  As it turned out, we are the antithesis of fun, and it quickly became apparent that beach vacationing may be out of our league.  FAR out of our league. The whole messy business started with packing.  [...]

I’m BOASTING, BABY!!!!!

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So, you know how so many people post Facebook status updates the night before the first day of school? “Lunches are packed! Kids in bed! Backpacks ready! Forms filled out! Relaxing with a glass of wine and hubby!” And it’s only 8 p.m.? Some are dear friends of mine – and I hope they still [...]

Back-to-School Mommy Survival Kit

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Back-to-school, that time of year when we are all running around like chickens with our heads cut off trying to search for the holy grail of school supplies, maybe we are going about this all wrong? Screw French water paints that glow in the dark in the full moon, the Marsha Brady vintage dockers for [...]

Why Don’t They Make Hooters for Women?

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My husband loves to annoy me. One of his favorite ways is by suggesting the family eat dinner at Hooters. The kids (I need to point out, they are all girls) hang on his every word. But they don’t understand what Hooters is. Nor do they understand the concepts of dirty old men, negative attention, [...]

Built To Last… A Year or Two

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I’m going to drive this car into the ground. You hear people say that. But what you don’t hear people say is, I’m going to get the last rinse cycle out of this dishwasher if it’s the last thing I do. We don’t plan out our relationships with major appliances that long. We buy ‘em. [...]

Signs Your Kid Might Grow Up To Be a Super Villain

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A lot of times people show their careers at a very young age. Like you see Little Timmy behaving a certain way and you’ll say, “Oh, he’s going to grow up to be such a good policeman.” And then in a few years, you have Officer Timothy, heading up the Block Parent Association meeting at [...]

Rock n Roll Advice For Kids From Uncle Mick

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Many of life’s big lessons, I learned from Uncle Mick. “You can’t always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you just might find… You get what you need.” I say it to my kids all the time. Kids today just don’t know how good they’ve got it. Isn’t that what our parents said? [...]