The Real Cost of Children

AL_Abby

I have read a plethora of articles about the incurred expense of babies and children, and the focus is normally on things like formula, Mommy and Me classes, and college tuition. Some costs that seem to have gone unnoticed (or purposely ignored?) are items like our sanity, waistlines, and various personal affects. So today I [...]

This is What Pinterest Won’t Show You

Kim_Remote

Do you love Pinterest? Shut up. Pinterest makes me feel inferior, just like Martha Stewart used to before she was incarcerated and after she became Snoop Dogg’s BFF. All those pinteresting homemade party decorations and decadent desserts perfectly molded into the faces of cartoon characters can bite me. Why make it when you can buy it?! [...]

The Pass, the Pot, and the Cup

Daygo

My son is two. To me, there is no need to be up in arms that potty training is not going so well. While yes, it would be going better if I were a little more…helpful. But, I’m ambivalent. Daddy asks him repeatedly, “Do you need to go to the pot?” I just randomly check [...]

Swingerphobia and Other Parental Hazards

swinging violet

Parenting is scary. Most parents are, on the inside, a quivering mass of semi-irrational fears. My husband is afraid of crossing the street. There’s a name for it: he’s dromophobic. When we cross as a family, it’s a dramatic undertaking involving terse instructions and white knuckles. He insists on holding both children’s hands, being skeptical [...]

10 Things Moms Should Stop Feeling Guilty About

not guilty

My wise friend M said that being a mom means feeling guilty about everything you do. My equally wise friend T said, “Mom guilt! Mom guilt! Where the pickle is Dad guilt???” (Only she didn’t say “pickle.”) Since guilt and worry seem to naturally pervade the lives of mothers, I’ve come up with a list [...]

10 Signs Your Child is Not a Genius After All

I look...delicious!

Like most mothers, I spend a lot of time thinking that my children are the brightest, deepest, most creative and perceptive boys one could possibly have, potty-training issues aside. And they are. But there are times when even I doubt their capacity for genius. For example: I try to teach him how to blow a [...]

12 Rules to Live By, According to Two Small Boys

Two Small Boys and Me

Recently, a small member of our family may or may not have swallowed a Lego and given us all a good scare and a trip to the emergency room. This event (whether or not it happened) may have inspired a lengthy conversation about ”good rules to live by.” “Legos are for building, not for eating” was tactfully left [...]

Arguing After Kids

arguing after kids

Before I had kids, I was a skilled and logical debate opponent. There wasn’t a position that I couldn’t successfully support – my husband didn’t stand a chance. My side of the argument would include impressive, whip-smart moves like: 1. Thoroughly disagree with point spouse made about President Bush’s speech on blah blah blah! (Remember this was before [...]

13 Things You Never Thought You’d Have to Say to Your Children

mom surprise.jpg

Children are people too. Stubborn, bizarre and obtuse little people, whose actions and activities make the strangest things come out of your mouth. Here are just a few of the extraordinary things my boys have caused me to say throughout their hyperactive little lives: Please don’t step on the baby. Please stop smelling my pants.

The Six Friends Every Mom Needs

mom friends

My husband and I chose recently, for some inexplicable reason, to move to a new state where we know no-one (something about career progression, great opportunity, blah blah blah). While I am enjoying being able to wear a T-shirt in November, I am mourning the loss of the really spectacular mom community that was as [...]

Twelve Easy Ways to Tick off a Mom Without Even Trying

mad mom

1)      Tell the mother of an only child that you didn’t realize how easy it was to have one child until you had your second. 2)      Tell the mother of several children that you chose not to have more than one out of “consideration for the environment.” 3)      Tell a new mom that she spends [...]