As I have recently given birth, it stands to reason that I have also recently seen a variety of medical professionals for a variety of reasons. In addition to the hordes of doctors and nurses I saw to bring the babe into the world, the child himself needs to be seen. In the midst of [...]
My friend had her first baby a few weeks ago. I was thrilled it wasn’t me. I’m too old for this shit. Swaddle blankets and things with cutesy names and, oh look!, a chew toy and a leash and a tiara?! What in the frig? Where am I again? Target? You don’t say! Because while [...]
Forget the luxury vacations, $25,000 sunglasses and ridiculous shoe closets to house collections of Louboutins. For me, the real perk of being a Real Housewife would be having a driver. The top 10 reasons I would love to be driven around: I would never again have to play Rock Paper Scissors with my husband to decide [...]
“Mommy, does that go on my face like a mask?” my four-year-old son curiously blurted out when I showed him his, uh, sports cup for t-ball. You know how most parents will pass gender specific questions on to the other spouse for topics they don’t want to deal with? Well, when you are a single [...]
I have an eight-year-old. Every day I’m thankful of this fact, and not because, you know, she’s still alive. More like I’m overjoyed–bursting with fruit flavor–at the idea that I never have to sit through another play date. Sure, you want your child to play with other children. But there are serious ramifications of your [...]
I’m a giver. Always have been. I feel if you’ve done something that has baptized you by the fire, then you owe it to others to keep them out of that frying pan. My two oldest children are teens, and I have learned through the iron fist of experience that some Google search terms need [...]
My husband and I once walked this planet as part of the species known as the Smug Parent-To-Be. All-knowing, we wielded The Family Edict on just how things would be in our house. Our children would always act in love and no games involving weapons would be allowed. We would have children that only knew [...]
My son has always been a happy and smiley boy. His first smiles were huge, infectious and almost goofy. I knew right away that he was going to be an outgoing kid who would no doubt keep me on my toes. No one can make that boy laugh (and cry!) the way his big sister [...]
1. The perky boobs I paid for. I mean, really! I nursed for almost 16 months (in your face, people who told me I couldn’t do it!). Now my nipples look a little sad, it’s like they’re looking down in shame now that they don’t have a job. We’ve looked in the classified ads but [...]
I’ve always been the weird and rebellious one in the family… all my relatives have stories about me. I dressed like a freak, always had a smart mouth and was more defiant than what should be humanly possible. If someone told me what I should be doing I would do the opposite. Just because. Or [...]
The Kid didn’t beg exactly, but she was all: “MOM! Please be a room parent.” Which is the equivalent of planning two parties and being a chaperone for her third grade trip. And as much as I want to be there, this does require me to, gasp, deal with Other Mothers. I live smack dab [...]
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