Early Retirement?

If you have to get old, you might as well do it with pizzazz.

Winter seems to be going on forever around here. The dog is dragging his wiener every time he goes out for a pee, and I seem to be shoveling more of the salty slush that the plow keeps throwing in the driveway. It’s a constant barrage of melancholia and it’s really taking it’s toll on [...]

Snowed In

A portion of the 50 vehicle accident a few miles from our place.

You may or may not know this, but I am a big fan of date nights. It’s true, I absolutely love having a night alone with my beautiful lady. What you might not know about me is that every two weeks, I get a date weekend, and I love them even more. This weekend was [...]

You Might Be An ADD Mom

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As usual, I was standing in the shower when I had an idea. An awful idea. A wonderful, awful idea. No, no I’m not going to steal Christmas, that’s been done. I was thinking of how you know when you’re an ADD Mom and wife. I think I qualify (I’ve been diagnosed and everything!) So [...]

The Etiquette of Barking Spiders

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I got a talking-to the other day. My son, Connor, was picking up the splayed cards from his memory game the other night when we heard a noise come from the kitchen, where my husband was making dinner. A barking spider, or at least that’s what it sounded like to us. I was playing around [...]

Plunging Into Peace

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Last night I had dinner all ready to go when my oldest, Izzy, came running in to the kitchen to tell me that the toilet was overflowing. Just a little. Umhum… just a little. It’s overflowing because some people dumped kitty litter down a chute that wasn’t designed for that. As I was plunging, swearing, [...]

On Husbands and Alarm Clocks

jenwithgirls

So, what is it with husbands and alarm clocks? Specifically, husbands incessantly slapping the snooze button on said alarm clock? At least one of my friends has a husband who suffers from this same affliction (I know your dirty secret, Kev). Yes, I realize ladies are just as capable of this horrific habit. But I’m [...]

The Vagina Whisperers

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You’ve heard of horse whisperers. Dog whisperers. Baby whisperers. But do you have a vagina whisperer in your life? A vagina whisperer is one who understands the vagina, soothes the vagina, makes the vagina happy and can coax a fetus to come towards the light. I am not suggesting that every lover you have must [...]

Mommy’s Secret Drawer

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Do you have a secret drawer, not to be confused with a junk drawer? All mothers do. Don’t they? It’s a teeny, tiny “keep hope alive” treasure chest from before we were covered in spit up, poured into yoga pants and suffering from extreme exhaustion and Mommy brain. Maybe you use it to hide contraband [...]

In Sickness and In Snores

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Dear Aiming Low Readers (and fellow Writers), You are known worldwide as the internet wizards of dispensing advice. I am at a fork in the road of my life, and need your help. I’ve tried mind-mapping all possible solutions to my dilemma, and then while awake last night at 3 a.m., I realized the most [...]

Finding (Your) Balance

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When you’re young, things usually fall into place easily: There’s school and there’s the rest of your life. But once you have a job and a family it gets complicated. So much so that articles about finding a work/life balance are about as common as pennies. And just about as useful. The thing is, most [...]

Never Trust a Do Rag and A Promise Ring

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Well, it seems Brett Michaels is at it again? What a fame whore. Apparently he’s not getting enough TMZ time these days and has decided to take matters into his own hands. He has officially broken his engagement to on-again, off-again girlfriend/baby mama, Kristi Gibson. I’ll wait while you pick yourself up off the floor. [...]

How To Be Selfish

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Women seem to have this odd idea that being selfless is a virtue, something to strive for and brag about. Real women put themselves last. Being selfless is stupid. Yeah, I said it. Stupid. It’s stupid because if you spend all your time focusing on other people’s needs, who is going to focus on yours? [...]