I really try to be a grown-up. I do. I own a couple vacuum cleaners (and use them regularly!) My kids are regularly fed and bathed. Mostly. I do my own shopping – even if I can’t cook worth a damn – and I even know how to turn on a computer. On most days, [...]
Meet Zoe. She would meet you back except she’s too busy sleeping all the damn time. And no one bothers her about this. No one. The Kid isn’t all: can I have a snack? Every 2.5 seconds. And Mr. Kitty doesn’t waltz over to announce there’s no minimum on something he MUST HAVE on [...]
If you’re reading this from the United States, there’s a very good chance that in exactly two weeks, you’re going to be looking at a fridge full of turkey. Most likely, you’ll have a living room full of turkeys too, but I digress. And while turkey sandwiches are amazing and delicious, there are only so [...]
In order to keep things moving in scheduled and orderly fashion, we writers here at Miss Unlimited have rigid deadlines to meet. We know when we have work due at least two weeks in advance. Take this post, for instance – I’ve known for a whole month when this post is due, yet here I [...]
Are there times when it feels like your kids are being too nosy? My stepdaughters have a penchant for this, and I’ll confess that it annoys me. I think this is because their questions seem loaded with that insinuation of, You have something better/more fun/tastier than I, and I should like to have it too, [...]
I have this judgemental UPS guy who shows up at my door occasionally, and he is seriously cramping my laissez-faire style.
So it’s Hallowe’en and your kid is all like “Moooooommmmmmmm! I don’t have a costume!” Pshaw, I say. A mother who can’t whip up a costume in 10 minutes flat is no kind of mother in my book. Except apparently the whole white sheet + holes for eyes and mouth thing is getting tiresome for [...]
Every year, right about April, I get all excited for the flower display at the hardware store. It’s hardly surprising, considering Chicago – where I live – has two seasons: Balls Hot and Balls Cold. Winter in Chicago lasts approximately 837 years and by the time the ground warms up, we’re all so desperate, slug-like [...]
The biggest fear of every girl in her 20′s, is her body changing into a mom body. I say that term “mom body” in a general way, because you totally know what I’m talking about. Thick in the middle, and soft all over…all tucked into a round pocket of faded denim. I’m a relatively new [...]
My mother used to take naps when I was growing up. I hated it. I hated that we had to be quiet. I hated that we had to wait for her to get up to eat. I hated that I had to tell people who called or came to the door that my mom was [...]
Hi. It’s me. I just had a baby. And by “just” I mean “7 months ago.” I also “just” haven’t had time to go to the gym. And I “just” eat boxes of gluten free cookies in a day. Because I “just” think that they don’t count. And so I have become something. This something, [...]
My great-aunt went through this morbid phase seven or eight years ago where she started giving away her possessions as Christmas presents. We had to remind her that she was only in her late 60s and in very good health. I have a theory that it was actually a twisted plan to not have to [...]
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