S’mores-ish Cookie Bars

smorescookiebars1

London, England. Home to the 2012 Summer Olympic Games. As well as Diagon Alley, The Leaky Cauldron, and Gringotts Wizarding Bank. It’s also where Sherlock and many Doctor Who episodes take place. You know what my hubby said when we saw a commercial for the Olympics? “I hope that David Tennant lights the Olympic flame.” And that is just reason 5,486,902 why [...]

A Mother-in-Law’s Assumptions of Equality

alarm clock bed

My mother-in-law is a master at rubbing me the wrong way.  She makes seemingly innocent comments like, “Maybe you can take a nap,” when she knows I have to work, or last week’s gem, “With a higher position now, he will likely have more responsibilities – like working later.” Um. Yeah. I know. That statement [...]

On Husbands and Alarm Clocks

jenwithgirls

So, what is it with husbands and alarm clocks? Specifically, husbands incessantly slapping the snooze button on said alarm clock? At least one of my friends has a husband who suffers from this same affliction (I know your dirty secret, Kev). Yes, I realize ladies are just as capable of this horrific habit. But I’m [...]

Dear Spouse…

dirty dishes

Dear Spouse: I appreciate that you shut our bedroom door, our son’s bedroom door, and the bathroom door in the morning so we can stay asleep while you start your morning routine. But could you please stop slamming things shut in said bathroom? Turns out that is not a sound proof room. Dear Spouse: I [...]

Husband ESP

He KNEW I wanted this. MAD SKILLZ!

The guy I live with has special, magical powers. He has ESP. He can predict, with almost perfect accuracy, exactly what I’m thinking. For example, if I say something like, “You know what would be awesome to make today?” He’ll answer, “A big pot of homemade chicken vegetable soup?” OMFG. YES. How did he know? [...]

The Good Enough Wife

4x6  2

First I was the “Good Enough Bride.” Now I’m just a wife. It’s been three months and I don’t feel any different. I’m just floating in a universe of dishwashers, dinner, and paychecks. The hell? Where’s the husband and wife feelings? Is this some sort of world joke? Are you all tricking couples into marriage [...]

Math Solves Everything. Also Vampires.

medium_2984638227

Figuring out whether a relationship is going to last is tricky. People make a lot of promises to improve themselves, become better listeners. But those kinds of changes are hard to measure. I think what people have to do is work the math in their favor. Like this: X = B*U*(L)^2/ (S+H^I)*T Where B = [...]

A Little Head Bump is Okay if He Doesn’t Cry, Right?

rew

I shouldn’t be glad he hit the baby’s head against the stove. Maybe glad isn’t the right word. Smug might be more like it. We give Ryan his baths on the kitchen counter, you see. We do this because my back cannot handle the low tub with the high side. I tried it a few times and spent all of bath [...]

Toolbox Anxiety

spanners

Let me start by saying that I love my husband dearly and for the most part he is a mild-mannered man, BUT….. Nothing is more likely to reduce me to a quivering bag of nerves than the appearance of the dreaded ‘Toolbox’, a contraption that seems to get bigger each year as my husband likes [...]

Ten Things to do When Your Husband is Away on Business

I'm just trying samples, honest. I didn't paint THE WHOLE WALL.

I promised. I promised this time that when he went away, I wouldn’t paint any walls. This time. It turns out that when my husband goes away on business, I get a little stressed out. See, when I handle that stress, I get a wee bit impulsive. And when I get impulsive to handle that [...]

Announce It with Red Pants

Darling Dork

I affectionately refer to my left ovary as “Hotep Lefty.” For those of you who do not remember, “Hotep Hepty” was the good luck charm that Gidget used on her trip to Hawaii so she didn’t fall off her surf board. Hotep Lefty usually gifts me with not having to bleed on her month of [...]

Problem Solving Using Third World Solutions

A family.  On a scooter. Definitely NOT in America.

We’re not supposed to call it “third world.” How about “where brown people come from?” Note: I’m brown, therefore when I say this, it is hilarious. If you’re not brown and want to repeat this, please find the nearest brown person and have them direct you through approval protocol. I can also use “third world” [...]