YER DOING IT WRONG: Advice, Aiming Low Style

This is our inaugural advice column. Hope you enjoy. Dear YER DOING IT WRONG: “Ok, real life question. Let’s say you hosted a party Sunday night for 30 of your closest friends (12 of them children).  The next day, your kid comes down with something contagious and gross like pinkeye. What’s the proper protocol? Do [...]

One Person’s Fries From Yesterday Are Another’s Delicious Breakfast Today

Once upon a time about thirty years ago, people tried to impress upon me that breakfast was the most important meal of the day. I agree with them now, but I don’t think it’s for the same reasons that were originally intended.

I swear to be uncouth & nothing but uncouth, so help me God.

ee5e07dab191729eff

People & dudes! How the hell are ya? Have any strange rashes lately? No? Good for you! Remember, don’t be silly, cover your willy. As you can see, I’m new here, but I am feeling right at home amidst all the fart jokes and drinking and stale french fries in the couch cushions. It’s a [...]

How to Fix a Repulsively Stained Toilet Seat When You’re Too Lazy to Leave the House

We moved into a new apartment a couple of months ago, and one of the first things I noticed was that the toilet seat on our new-to-us toilet was old, worn, cheap, and ugly. My own butt balked at the sigh of it.

Anal Clinic

Sometime after my eighteenth birthday, a couple of my friends and I were driving around looking for something– anything–to do. We had the staples: smokes, weed, gas; we’d had dinner and coffee and were now aimlessly driving around. As we passed a Mom and Pop type video store where I had recently gotten a membership, [...]

Somewhere, down the line if we hit it off, I want to know there will be sex.

This is what I woke up to this morning. Hawt coffee, mmmm. Log into Facebook, log into gmail. New message on Match, hmmm, maybe this will be the one! And I get this…. Umm, I think NOT. Subject – You seem like a great girl (I am, thankyouverymuch!) Now, I shit you not, this email [...]

How To Teach Your Children That Potty Humor Is Funny At Any Age

Today we went to visit Hub’s grandparents. We talked about the garden, the weather, what Jim Leyland is doing wrong, and all the usual topics. As we were leaving, his grandma asks us to wait because she wants to get out this new giant bubble making toy that she has and all the kids loved [...]

How to Pee in Your Underpants.

Saturday, the bf and I went to a friend’s wedding.  Actually, we just went to the reception (I have to be honest, I didn’t even want to go) and had a great time. What made it a great time?  I looked great!  Haha.  Ok, not really.  But I looked all nice and svelte.  Smooth.  One [...]

Boobs Day Out

edit: first off, i’m so PISSED because i just spent the last HOUR of my life (time i will never get back thank you very much) writing today’s post and went to publish it and it disappeared from my screen. gone. vanished. like it never existed. so i can’t promise this version of it will [...]

If Jeopardy Were Written by Parents

Alex Trebek: … and our third contestant of the evening is BusyDad, from Los Angeles, California. Welcome BusyDad, tell us a little bit about yourself. Me: Thanks Alex. Um, let’s just get on with the game. I have to pick up my kid by 5:30 and I really can’t be late because they’ll charge me [...]

I almost dialed 911

The pressure in my head was building, causing spots in my vision. The location was odd, above my ears on both sides. I could feel my heartbeat pulsing through the pain. What should I do? Take Motrin? Lie down? Call Hubby? Call an ambulance? 10 minutes went by and I thought, I’ve had coffee. It’s [...]