Septic Field Of Dreams

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The neighbors got an in ground pool this summer. You know what we got? A septic field. “Oh sure” you’re probably thinking, “anyone can have an in ground pool. But a septic field – now that’s something to celebrate!”. And listen – I’m celebrating so freaking hard, it’s like Kool & the Gang wrote that tripe just for me. Let [...]

5 Ways To Combat the Back To School Blues

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Well, it happened. I walked into Target and found the dreaded display. Don’t be coy with me, you know which one I’m talking about. The Back To School display. Thank Goddess it’s in the back of the store so it can be avoided on some level. But the signage hits us at the entryway to [...]

Oooh Baby, Baby It’s a Mad World

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Photo: YankeeJim Where is the forgiveness? I ask you – where is the understanding? It would be so easy to turn the other cheek – to say “Ah, that’s okay” and move on. Some people do. But I’m noticing a lot of people will make you pay for your indignities toward society, however insignificant. And [...]

Signs Your Kid Might Grow Up To Be a Super Villain

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A lot of times people show their careers at a very young age. Like you see Little Timmy behaving a certain way and you’ll say, “Oh, he’s going to grow up to be such a good policeman.” And then in a few years, you have Officer Timothy, heading up the Block Parent Association meeting at [...]

Lay versus Lie Gives Woman Freakin’ Heart Attack

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Chickens lay eggs, people lie down. But then what about “Now I lay me down to sleep…?” Never mind,  read this: “Every afternoon we lay down and rest for an hour,” laying is okay here because it’s in the past. But are we chickens now? Stop thinking. Here’s more: the past participle of the verb [...]

I’ve Got Frank Sinatra’s Storage Unit Contents For $10,000

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There’s a show about a family pawn shop business that my kids and I are hooked on. It stars an old man with his signature lid fedora who says, “In my day” a lot. There’s an eager-for-daddy’s-approval 50ish year old son, a late 20 ish son of the man with the daddy fixation, who tantrums [...]

I’m Going To Make Up My Own Word Today

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From here on in and forever, I will use any word I want to, made up in any way that fits, because I just saw it done on national television in a one on one discussion of North Korea. When recently interviewed by CNN and asked about the situation and motives behind North Korea’s leader, [...]

My Ex-Wife Got Married (But I’m Pretty Sure Still Uses My Last Name)

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Christina and I divorced over two and half years ago. I still contact her every once in a while. We’re perfectly friendly and sometimes I need advice on pet stuff. She is a vet. Well, my dog is due for a dental. Meepers is very sensitive to shots and has become sick in the past [...]

You Say Aphasia, I Say To-Mah-To

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I like to think I’m a hands-on parent. Somewhere between absent and hovering. In an attempt to “participate” in my children’s “upbringing,” I sometimes look over their shoulder to see what they’re watching on their various devices. Shockingly, the 16-year-old and the 14-year-old find this annoying. The 9-year-old, however, STILL LOVES ME, and willingly participates [...]

Adult Birthdays Suck

Keep Calm Happy Birthday

As a child, birthday’s are magical. People bring you gifts and food. Our parents plan everything down to that scary ass clown that now haunts your dreams. But you can overlook that when there is a sugar coma that follows. Boy, does that change as you get older. The teen years are spent trying to get [...]

Bad to the Bone

We steady rollin', they hatin'...

Since this is my first post for Aiming Low, you might be wondering exactly how big of a badass I am. Lemme just tell you. I’m the baddest badass you’ll ever meet. For example, last week I drove my ten-year-old minivan to the gas station. My husband recently used my vehicle to transport a jillion [...]

Tales of the Toilet Monster

What I see

When my daughter tells me she needs to go to the bathroom in a public area, I cringe. My oldest daughter has a ridiculous phobia of automatic toilets. So when I walk into any public bathroom and see that sensor, I have to prepare her for a life lesson that just doesn’t seem to sink [...]