So do you remember when you had friends? Come on you remember–they’re the people who quit calling when you had children. I’m not blaming them, god knows I quit hanging out with a lot of people I liked once they had nothing left to talk about other than what brand of ass wipes they [...]
In my search for the perfect leggings, I stumbled upon the “suck you in” kind of leggings. Or more appropriately, “shaping” leggings. And I decided that they were perfect. Because one of the things I was worried about with my much loved outfit was that I wasn’t thin enough. But shaping leggings would make me thin [...]
Maybe you don’t get out much and a friend invites you to an event and you immediately scream “YES I’LL GO!” because you haven’t left the house since you had that weird growth on your foot removed/your baby was born/your mother-in-law came to visit and you are just a tiny bit desperate to go out [...]
I was fully prepared to introduce myself and my 2 month old son with a snooty post about how he is basically the best baby in the world. Right when he became 5 weeks old, he started sleeping through the night in his own crib. I obviously took full responsibility for his behavior and began [...]
I shouldn’t be glad he hit the baby’s head against the stove. Maybe glad isn’t the right word. Smug might be more like it. We give Ryan his baths on the kitchen counter, you see. We do this because my back cannot handle the low tub with the high side. I tried it a few times and spent all of bath [...]
You’re not going to catch me lying about being a large lady. In Sir Mix-a-Lot land, I’ve got back and then some. Rap guys, apparently, like me. Becky? Not so much. Bitch. Being fat can be pretty awesome. Sure, it’s not awesome when I drop, say, a penny. But who needs a penny? See a [...]
Most women I know have dieted, are dieting, or plan to diet. I mean, I can’t be the only one that has to lose twenty-five pounds by this Saturday.
Boys are dumb (I’m sure you didn’t need me to tell you that). Some guys are fully aware of their own awkwardness in dealing with girls. They decide that they’re ready to start showing a girl that they’re interested, but they end up stumbling all over themselves in the process. The slightly smarter ones own [...]
Are you married to someone who wasn’t born in North America? Or married to someone born after 1990? Are you tired of explaining things like who “The Fonz” is or what “Sashay! Shantay!” means? Or why Scrappy Doo sucks? Me, too. I have the coolest, greatest husband ever. Sometimes, though, the fact that we grew up [...]
I haven’t been to the “free” library in almost two years. Sure I’ve driven past it’s opulent exterior of brick and mortar and longingly thought about its treasure of texts held within. And the buzzing computers and DVDs and micro-film, and the old man that coughs every 30 seconds like he’s about to die. Oh, and the [...]
Structure, routine, expectations, follow through. All buzz words for how we are supposed to put our kids to bed at night. Because, no, you just don’t throw them in a darkened room and shut the door. And if you do, shhhhh.
I have a bad habit of eating like a garbage disposal. It makes perfect sense, waste-wise. It’s a natural chain of events— a simple formula: whatIcookfortheboys – whattheydon’teat = easymealsforme
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