Foreigner Was Right: Love is Urgent

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Even though she knows I hate Urgent Care, my daughter (let’s call her the Girl) has contracted poison oak again.  She’s swelling, she’s itching, she’s oozing.  The whole situation is downright miserable. For me.  But before your eyes roll, let me explain. I have a history of poor judgment regarding when a visit to Urgent Care [...]

Valentine’s Gift Guide for the Non-Romantic.

Photo credit: Justin Ficklin

Valentine’s Day insists on coming again this year and it vexes the non-romantic among us. For example, me. I hate flowers. They die. I might as well take two twenty dollar bills out of my wallet and fling them out the window of my minivan. They’re labor intensive. You get them thrust at you and [...]

Snowed In

A portion of the 50 vehicle accident a few miles from our place.

You may or may not know this, but I am a big fan of date nights. It’s true, I absolutely love having a night alone with my beautiful lady. What you might not know about me is that every two weeks, I get a date weekend, and I love them even more. This weekend was [...]

Word To the Gamers In Your Life From Your Mama Del Roy: Video Games

Video Games music by Lana DelRey lyrics by Linda Roy Lyrics by Mama Del Roy Music by Lana Del Rey You haven’t seen our backyard Don’t make me stop this car Callin’ out my name “Mom get me a root beer, bring it over here I’m playing video games” Hurry up and get dressed You’re [...]

Walk The Walk

Not me, but it sure could have been with those clothes.

You know how kids sometimes don’t do things when you ask them to? Yeah, I know it’s rare, but every once in a while they just seem to forget when you mentioned that the laundry needed to be put in the dryer after the buzzer went off and the dry clothes need to be folded. [...]

Boys Are Stinky: Proceed With Caution and Nose Plugs

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Boys are cute. Boys can be intriguing. Boys are also stinky. I live in a household full of boys with only a cat and dog to commiserate with. Which is fine. Mostly. After all, I’ve been in rock bands with boys – stinky, foul mouthed, messy boys – for most of my adult life.  I’m [...]

My Wife Found Her X Chromosome

Baby? Was I supposed to thaw this out first? It seems a bit rare.

I think she must have cracked up a bit while I was away this time, because when I got home, the house was clean, the dog was still alive, and she was already planning the next night’s dinner. Seriously. I know this doesn’t seem like a big deal to all of you Martha Stewart wannabes, [...]

Like For Like

Believe it or not, I was quite restrained here. I may need to talk to someone about my anger.

That’s apparently how it’s supposed to work. I will like/follow your thing if you like/follow mine. Can’t we just like or not like things based solely on whether or not we like them? I guess not. This is a post on my Facebook page wall. You don’t need to read it, because I’m not proud [...]

We All Fake It

2013

Should Old Acquaintance be forgot, and never thought upon; The flames of Love extinguished, and fully past and gone:  Is thy sweet Heart now grown so cold, that loving Breast of thine;  That thou canst never once reflect Auld Lang Syne. CHORUS: On Auld Lang Syne my Jo, On Auld Lang Syne, That thou canst [...]

It’s Two Days After Christmas…A Totally Exhausted Poem

                                image credit It’s Two Days After Christmas ‘Tis two days after Christmas and all through the house Shit’s strewn everywhere and there’s wine on my blouse The kids in their snuggles tucked up in their beds While visions of flame throwers [...]

You’re An Adult So Start Texting Like It

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I had a text conversation today. It was actually a conglomeration of text conversations from several people so that my friends who text like that can pretend that it’s not about them. It’s totally about them. Every goddamn one of them. Don’t get me wrong, I love my friends, and just because they do things that [...]

Five Wishes For Santa

santa baby

There are five things I’d like for Christmas, but I’m not planning on visiting the local mall to sit on some fat guy’s lap with my wish list in hand. A candy cane and a pat on the head isn’t going to give me the confidence I need to fulfill my Christmas wishes, either. I’ll [...]