5 Reasons Why I am the Laziest Person Ever

Who us? We never piss or barf.

Sometimes I look around my house and I am astonished at just how lazy I can be. Depending on the number of times I’ve ferried children to taekwondo in a given week, I can be house-lazy to the point of “Hoarders” grossness. Here are five examples of my appalling laziness: 1.  For six months, I [...]

Plunging Into Peace


Last night I had dinner all ready to go when my oldest, Izzy, came running in to the kitchen to tell me that the toilet was overflowing. Just a little. Umhum… just a little. It’s overflowing because some people dumped kitty litter down a chute that wasn’t designed for that. As I was plunging, swearing, [...]

First World Closet Problems


For a striking example of First World Problems, I submit, Exhibit A: The Walk-In Closet. More times than I can count, I have stood amidst shameful racks and stacks of clothing, muttering to myself, “I have NOTHING to wear!” Nothing, no thing. No swathe of material that I deem appropriate to place over my body [...]

When the Going Gets Tough, Internet Friends Become Family


I often wonder whether my OB/GYN did a clean enough job of cutting the cord between me and my three sons. Because when they skin their knees, it’s me who winces. When the littlest took a kick to the ankle at soccer last Sunday, it was me who hobbled back to the car. After my [...]

Not The Betty I Want To Be


I have a teenage daughter who can now fit into some of my “skinny” jeans. Not skinny in the cut, but not meeting the conditions of fat pants. Fat pants are preferably fleece or flannel, have an elastic waistband and in some cases be purchased from an infomercial. I have kept my skinny jeans, of [...]

Becoming The Next Episode of Hoarders


I dread Mondays. Aside from the usual end of the weekend blues, Mondays are the days I have to spend digging my house out of the Sunday MegaWarehouse bulk shopping my husband does.

A Little Spring Cleaning


I have been known to only paint the 3 toenails that are exposed in my peep-toe pumps and I may not wax the floors until swimsuit season, but the longer days shining through my dirty windows remind me I have spring cleaning to do. Rather than just kicking a laundry mountain into a couple of smaller hills, I like [...]

Remember – Laundry is a Privilege


Do you hate doing laundry? Please don’t. I’m here to ask you to re-think this. Why? Because you have the privilege of doing laundry. Yes, the privilege. You are able to do the following while laundry is cleaned: Stay in the comfort of your home. Wear pajamas. Drink wine. Watch bad TV. Here, in the [...]

How to Celebrate Your Birthday in Style

birthday cake

It’s my birthday today. Yup. I’m going to be 29 again. I’ve been turning 29 for six years now. Lots of time to get the perfect 29th birthday planned. First, I’m going to read though the journals I kept as a teenager and laugh at my angsty teenage self. This will allow me to feel [...]

5 Tips to Help You Avoid Ironing


I’ve heard that wrinkles add character. Oh – they weren’t talking about clothes?? Because of the laundry hell that I live in on a full-time basis, wrinkles are my reality. As a result, I wear my wrinkles proudly and with honor. As far as I’m concerned, irons are things of the past, medieval instruments of [...]

The Case for Cohabitation


I was raised with a long list of conservative Dos and Don’ts of life. I abided by most. The ones that made sense, “don’t let your lips touch the spigot when drinking from a public water fountain,” were easy to follow. The questionable ones, “stay away from that mentally unstable girl/boy that always gets into [...]

What do You do with a Problem Like Ceiling Mold?

ceiling mold

I don’t have an exhaust fan in my master bathroom. I know. You are riveted. Best. Beginning. Line. Ever. Move over Dickens with your “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.” “I don’t have an exhaust fan” is the new shit. But I digress. My exhaust fan problem is not [...]