I have a teenage daughter who can now fit into some of my “skinny” jeans. Not skinny in the cut, but not meeting the conditions of fat pants. Fat pants are preferably fleece or flannel, have an elastic waistband and in some cases be purchased from an infomercial. I have kept my skinny jeans, of [...]
I dread Mondays. Aside from the usual end of the weekend blues, Mondays are the days I have to spend digging my house out of the Sunday MegaWarehouse bulk shopping my husband does.
I have been known to only paint the 3 toenails that are exposed in my peep-toe pumps and I may not wax the floors until swimsuit season, but the longer days shining through my dirty windows remind me I have spring cleaning to do. Rather than just kicking a laundry mountain into a couple of smaller hills, I like [...]
Do you hate doing laundry? Please don’t. I’m here to ask you to re-think this. Why? Because you have the privilege of doing laundry. Yes, the privilege. You are able to do the following while laundry is cleaned: Stay in the comfort of your home. Wear pajamas. Drink wine. Watch bad TV. Here, in the [...]
I don’t like to consider myself an apathetic person. I mean, who wants to be all, “What up, Bitches? I’m LAZY.” Not me. That’s who. But in the process of hosting my very first party in five years, I realized something–I’ve gotten disgustingly apathetic. The old me is shaking her head right now as the [...]
It’s my birthday today. Yup. I’m going to be 29 again. I’ve been turning 29 for six years now. Lots of time to get the perfect 29th birthday planned. First, I’m going to read though the journals I kept as a teenager and laugh at my angsty teenage self. This will allow me to feel [...]
I’ve heard that wrinkles add character. Oh – they weren’t talking about clothes?? Because of the laundry hell that I live in on a full-time basis, wrinkles are my reality. As a result, I wear my wrinkles proudly and with honor. As far as I’m concerned, irons are things of the past, medieval instruments of [...]
I was raised with a long list of conservative Dos and Don’ts of life. I abided by most. The ones that made sense, “don’t let your lips touch the spigot when drinking from a public water fountain,” were easy to follow. The questionable ones, “stay away from that mentally unstable girl/boy that always gets into [...]
I don’t have an exhaust fan in my master bathroom. I know. You are riveted. Best. Beginning. Line. Ever. Move over Dickens with your “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.” “I don’t have an exhaust fan” is the new shit. But I digress. My exhaust fan problem is not [...]
Minimalism: it’s the new black. You have too much stuff!! Stop buying all those THINGS!! For me, moving from a large home to an apartment meant the dismissal of a full service dining table for eight, a living room set, bedroom sets, several boxes of books and, oh, yeah, a total refocusing of my purpose [...]
I am the anti-hoarder. I’m constantly stuffing things my family doesn’t use (though they might argue that point – who knew that backpack contained my husband’s Blackberry?) into sacks for Goodwill. The amount of stuff in my house refuses to lessen, though. The problem is that my husband and I are voracious thrift shoppers. We are [...]
Anecdotal evidence, supported by a spike in EPT sales in the early 90’s, suggest I have difficulty saying no. I blame being born with a vagina, or rather, without balls. I talk a good game, but I constantly hear a voice saying “yes” before I can eek out, “No thanks, I’d rather have a threesome [...]
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