Gird your loins: V-Day is coming!

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Valentine’s Day is coming up faster than you’d like to believe. Although I have a general distaste for Hallmark holidays, I’m gonna tell it to you straight: if you’re in any kind of relationship, you need to know what the explicit expectations are for this holiday of lurve. At my house, I make meatloaf. No [...]

We All Fake It

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Should Old Acquaintance be forgot, and never thought upon; The flames of Love extinguished, and fully past and gone:  Is thy sweet Heart now grown so cold, that loving Breast of thine;  That thou canst never once reflect Auld Lang Syne. CHORUS: On Auld Lang Syne my Jo, On Auld Lang Syne, That thou canst [...]

It’s Two Days After Christmas…A Totally Exhausted Poem

                                image credit It’s Two Days After Christmas ‘Tis two days after Christmas and all through the house Shit’s strewn everywhere and there’s wine on my blouse The kids in their snuggles tucked up in their beds While visions of flame throwers [...]

Traditions, TRADITIONS!

In all its glory: The Barbie clock.

Ah, traditions. Those time-honored events our families take part in so we can remember holidays with our family. Some of them are recalled fondly and some we’d like to forget. However you feel about them, you have to admit you almost look forward to taking part in celebrations, right? In my family we’ve always done [...]

Five Wishes For Santa

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There are five things I’d like for Christmas, but I’m not planning on visiting the local mall to sit on some fat guy’s lap with my wish list in hand. A candy cane and a pat on the head isn’t going to give me the confidence I need to fulfill my Christmas wishes, either. I’ll [...]

The Accidental Seder (Phlegm Isn’t a Plague?)

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A few years ago, I told my friend, Mitch that I’d never seen the movie, The Ten Commandments. Correctly deducing that this meant I was a horrible Jew and had not actively been passing on critical knowledge (not to mention that great movie) to my children, he launched into an interrogation, asking, “Does Emma know [...]

4 Things You Must Do on Valentine’s Day

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Valentine’s Day holds a special charm for me. Maybe it’s the wine sales. Or the candy cinnamon-lip-induced pre-diabetic coma. ‘Tis the season, after all. No matter the reason, there are a few things I really look forward to making happen on V-Day and you should too, no matter your relationship status. Dinner For the Newly [...]

Looks Like We Made It

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By the time you read this, we will have said goodbye to 2012 and will be taking our first tentative steps into 2013. I am relieved to have survived the Mayan apocalypse as well as our own personal Pre-Christmas Curse which began with a skull fracture on December 23rd in 2011 and continued with this [...]

You Say It’s Your Birthday

Now THAT'S a birthday cake!

I have a large family. Large family means tons of birthdays. Specifically speaking, the fall months are super busy (Valentine’s Day plus nine months.) But the month with tons o’ birthdays? DECEMBER. We’re Irish. Count back nine months. I’ll wait. (It’s March 17th—aka St. Patrick’s Day— for those of you not good at math). So. Birthdays. [...]

A Guide to Surviving The Holidays with Chronic Illness

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I’ve written for Aiming Low before about what it’s like to survive stressful times, like, say the entirety of parenthood, with chronic illness. As anyone with a chronic illness like fibromyalgia or lupus, or a dozen other auto-immune disorders knows, the holidays don’t just put themselves off because you’re tired or achy, or because your [...]

6 Things I Want For Christmas, but Won’t Get

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I’ve been working on my Christmas list for weeks. There are two versions. The one I sent to my parents was full of books that they can easily order from my favorite indie bookstore. I’m treating you to the secret one here today—the list of things I really want: 1. World peace Yes, I am [...]

Advent-ageous

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I remember having an advent calendar when I was younger but I don’t remember having expensive toys to open every day. I had discolored pieces of chocolate to look forward for 25 Days. The advent calendar was made to count down the days until Christmas, or so they say. Personally, I think that some pissed [...]