My hair is the Janet of Three’s Company.

"Hey girls. Anyone up for Ladies Night?"

My hair is boring. It blends in and is unseen. It’s the Janet of Three’s Company, the Jan of The Brady Bunch, the Jennifer of Family Ties. Until I was twelve-years-old I had really long, all-the-way-down-to-my-butt hair. Then I cut it to the shoulder length, parted on the side, and developed the mushroom shaped hairstyle [...]

A Time to Shave

Look at those attractive, hairless feet!  YOU'RE WELCOME!

It’s nearly Autumn. In the summer I am much more interested in hair removal. No one wants to see me looking like a wookie in a bathing suit, you know? Luckily for me, I’m fair. Which means mostly blondish hair on my legs. But also means mostly not blondish hair in my underarms, which translates [...]

I’m Molting, I’m Molting!: The Perils of Post-Pregnancy Hair Loss

hair brush

One of the nice things about pregnancy is that you get lots of lovely strong, thick, glossy hair–I’m talking about on your head here, elsewhere it’s not so lovely–however, much like the baby, after a requisite number of months it has to come out. For me, that number of months is up and I am [...]

Important Summer Decisions

These need a little work. Ok, a lot of work.

Dude, It’s June (I KNOW, SO FAST) and school’s over in half the country and we have a week left. Time for important decisions to be made. While the rest of the country is trying to figure out travel plans and summer camp and just what IN SAM HILL they will do with their kids [...]

No, These Are NOT Extensions

Before the AMA awards

I’m making a custom t-shirt. The front will say, “This is MY Hair.” And the back will read, “Nope! NOT Extensions!” I don’t blame people for thinking any black woman with hair beyond her earlobes must have a weave.  Let’s face it, if all you know of us is the Chris Rock movie and other [...]

I Don’t Whip My Hair Back and Forth

You won't touch it, right? It's a deal, right? PLEASE DON'T TOUCH IT.

Today is confessional day. Unlike certain children of rappers who rap themselves and make colorful videos about hair, I don’t like to “Whip My Hair.” The primary reason for this? I don’t like anyone touching my hair. I don’t like things in my hair (like product and hair accessories and whatnot). I don’t like to [...]

4 Ways to Drop Five Pounds Fast!

please read the fine print

So you’ve tried the South Beach diet, the Mediterranean diet, the Tomato Soup diet, and your best friend’s herbal diet pills but you’ve still got a five pound splooge sitting on your belly? I am here to help, girlfriend! Why deprive yourself of food or get all sweaty when there are so many super simple [...]

Keep Your Bra, Burn Your Straightening Iron

embrace your curls

I have a pet project, an issue you might say, that might be considered unexpected for a blonde-haired white woman. I try to convince all of my black friends to wear their hair natural. I don’t necessarily mean “roll out of bed” natural, but I adore curly or kinky or however their hair grows out [...]

Let’s Talk About (My) Hair

julia hair

I have hair issues. My hair lacks style. Oh, now I’ve had style before; just not recently (like the last decade). I’ve proudly worn the Dorothy Hamill cut. I had the Farah Faucett and thought I was all that; never mind the fact that my hair was mousy brown and thick, not blond and bouncy. [...]

Hairmiliation: My 7th Grade Perm

perm

Twin B, aka “Butterbean,” is already long overdue for her sixth haircut.  Her older (by a minute), but less hairy sister has only had one trim during these first 19 months, and won’t need another for quite a while. All the haircuts so far have been performed deftly by Dr. Mom, whose keen eye and [...]

Will You Still Need Me, Will You Still Feed Me When I’m 64? Apparently Not.

When I dyed my hair Garnier’s Belle Color Light Reddish Brown #64 for the first time a few weeks ago, people commented on how good I looked, I felt absolutely kicky, and I looked this good lounging around in my bathrobe…

This is even more painful than the time I gave up caffeine for a month.

I hate to do this, really I do, but I think it’s time you and I parted ways. It’s not you, it’s me.  No, I take that back.  It’s mostly you.  I need to stop lying just to spare your feelings.  I’ll take full responsibility for any part I might have played.  I’m not exactly [...]