I’m BOASTING, BABY!!!!!

aliza

So, you know how so many people post Facebook status updates the night before the first day of school? “Lunches are packed! Kids in bed! Backpacks ready! Forms filled out! Relaxing with a glass of wine and hubby!” And it’s only 8 p.m.? Some are dear friends of mine – and I hope they still [...]

Dear Victoria’s Secret: You Must Be Drunk…

karate mama aiming low

As I have gotten older and wider, I have amassed a longer list of stores I frequent less often. Stores that cater to the ultra-thin demographic. Stores that only have extremely tight-fitting clothes. Stores that peddle merchandise that is designed to place advertising (via words) on my butt. I am looking at you Abercrombie & [...]

Halos, Horns, and Homeschoolers

alfam

When my new neighbor found out I homeschool my seven kids, she tapped the top of my head and said, “I think I see a halo.” For the record, NEVER do that. I wanted to slug her, but like the good girl I was raised to be—dammit–I smiled politely and changed the subject. But seriously, [...]

Curing Sweaty Body Crevices

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I’m sure you have heard of swass, or swack, as some people prefer to call it. Swass is shortened for “sweaty ass” and swack is shortened for “sweaty crack.”  Here in my neck of the woods, my friends and I have been referring to swass as “swamp ass” since 1994 so for this post, swass [...]

Porcelain or Plastic Plates?

dishes photos 176

When does one make the switch? In our house, we have two sets of dishes. We have the nice stoneware set that my husband and I ate on as child free adults back when a simple dinner for two was the norm. They are also the kind that go with the really nice flatware and [...]

Things You Should Know When You Meet Me at the Non-Con

rosstwimom

Hi! It’s so nice to meet you! Aiming Low’s Non-Conference will be my first blogging conference, and I’m pretty effin’ excited. Crap! I cussed a little. I do that sometimes. Does that offend you? I’m very sorry. You know what? Instead of waiting for me to show you all my other quirks, why don’t I [...]

The Cost of a Tree

Chris-Kavanaugh

I imagine all parents pass milestones that serve as reminders of how pricey the little beasties we put on this Earth can be. For me it began with the amount of paper products I bought and immediately disposed of when Miller was an infant. I found myself at the store every 48 hours stocking up [...]

Food for Thought

waffles

Quinn starts most mornings with 2 bananas. Starts. She’s 19 months old. It sounds excessive because it is. I understand that as the adult in these transactions, I should impact and change this ritual of gluttony. But you see, I can’t. She demands, “‘NANA’! More NANA!!” with an increasing hostility that makes me dread her entry [...]

Never Too Much

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I stockpile. I stockpile EVERYTHING. It drives my husband crazy, but he has come to accept it and he usually makes a joke about it now. I am waiting, as I type this, for him to find the 3 additional munchkin teethers that arrived today. Aiven liked the first one so much, that I though [...]

No, These Are NOT Extensions

Before the AMA awards

I’m making a custom t-shirt. The front will say, “This is MY Hair.” And the back will read, “Nope! NOT Extensions!” I don’t blame people for thinking any black woman with hair beyond her earlobes must have a weave.  Let’s face it, if all you know of us is the Chris Rock movie and other [...]

All I Ever Needed To Know I Learned During My Episiotomy

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Hi, my name is Julie, and I’m a victim of Circumstantial Shamelessness. I once had plenty of shame. My first pregnancy for example; a time of innocence when I shuddered at the prospect of anyone witnessing me push another person out of my own person; when I imagined even my husband remaining “north of the [...]

A Cup of Self-Awareness Tea

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I like to think I have some self-awareness. For instance, I know when I am about to say something childish to my husband.  This doesn’t mean I refrain, I just know what I am saying is ridiculous.  I try to review my behavior periodically; when I think it was a bit questionable and I am [...]