Early Retirement?

If you have to get old, you might as well do it with pizzazz.

Winter seems to be going on forever around here. The dog is dragging his wiener every time he goes out for a pee, and I seem to be shoveling more of the salty slush that the plow keeps throwing in the driveway. It’s a constant barrage of melancholia and it’s really taking it’s toll on [...]

Top 5 Huffington Post Slideshows I Clicked Through in 2013 While Waiting for My Kids.

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It’s the end of the year and that means I’m going all “best of” list on your asses. The typical top 10 topics are out. I saw exactly zero movies last year. My Spotify playlists are frozen in the 1990s. I could make lists of things like “Top 10 Reasons I Yelled at My Kids [...]

Dress For Yourself

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Sophomore year of college. I had pink hair. Personal style. Some people think it’s just composed of what we wear. Others think that our attitude towards what we wear contribute to it. It took me many years to find a style that was truly my own. When I was in the sixth grade, my favorite [...]

Lay the Spanx Wings Upon Me

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Is there anyone that remembers girdles? My mother wore one, and watching her wrestle into it never ceased to amuse me. I’d pop some Jiffy Pop and sit on the edge of the bed, and await the All-Star Wrestler that my mother became when she’d take on the Playtex 18-Hour Cross Your Heart I Can’t [...]

First World Closet Problems

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For a striking example of First World Problems, I submit, Exhibit A: The Walk-In Closet. More times than I can count, I have stood amidst shameful racks and stacks of clothing, muttering to myself, “I have NOTHING to wear!” Nothing, no thing. No swathe of material that I deem appropriate to place over my body [...]

Fall Fashion Fallacies

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As even a fashion dilettante can tell you, trends tend to recycle every few years. If it’s not a romper, it’s a “high-waisted pant” (sidebar: I hate when fashion people say pant like it means something you wear on your legs and not something a dog does after a vigorous ball-lick) or a Peter Pan [...]

The Only Accessory You’ll Ever Need

So CHIC!  SO MAGNIFIQUE!  Yes, I'm the epitome of all things fashion. (It's OPPOSITE DAY!)

I have a wicked gag reflex. Go ahead, laugh. I’ll wait. Are you done now? Still being twelve? I’ll wait again… Anywho, I have this gag reflex, so I don’t like to wear things like turtlenecks or tight necklaces or collars that button up. (Not that ANYONE wears turtlenecks anymore. It’s sooooo twenty years ago. [...]

The Secret to Buying the Perfect Bathing Suit

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I loathe the heat and pestilence that is summertime, but I do love swimming. I’m not sure if it’s wading in other people’s urine or the fact that everything tastes better at the beach, but I love to spend time in the water. It’s been many, many years since I’ve had a great beach body. [...]

MU Teen: You Can’t Please Everyone, So You Might As Well Please Yourself

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Recently, a tell-all documentary on “pyjama culture” shocked the nation. Basically, it followed the lives of two fifteen-year-old girls in the rough end of Dublin, Ireland’s capital city. It explored controversial topics such as dropping out of school, drugs, crime and teenage pregnancy. It was strange to think of a culture so different, consisting of violence, blackouts [...]

Old, And Fat, And Touchy

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We don’t have a scale in our house. We never have. I tell my husband that as long as we can still zip our zippers and button our buttons, it’s all good. You don’t have to see what you weigh every day. Out of sight is out of mind. Well, that way of weighing-in may [...]

Our Closets, Ourselves

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My closet is full, fit to bursting, cram-packed. It is full of clothes I can’t wear, clothes I will never wear again and clothes that I haven’t worn for years.  A collection of garments that are too small, don’t suit me or make me look like mutton dressed as lamb. Mini-skirts that my English bluey-white [...]

6 Sneaky Ways To Tell Your BFF She Looks Horrible in Capris

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Spring is here. The sun is coming out and the winter coats are being put away. Your BFF is asking you to come along on a spring time shopping spree because when temperatures get higher, shirt sleeves and pants legs get shorter. Being the awesome friend that you are, you go with her to the [...]