It’s not that my colleague would push his dogs into the great beyond to take their rightful place in pet heaven, but he would sign a ‘do not resuscitate’ if the opportunity showed up. Don’t go there, animal lovers! This is a humorous dialogue about three long-living senior citizens who have outlasted predicted demise…and their [...]
Rivals since their first class together at Landscaping Academy fifteen years ago, Mack and Kenny often find themselves in our subdivision working side by side on neighboring homes.
The topic of vasectomies comes up often in conversations with other moms. Most of us think the men should be the ones to go under the knife, but the husbands are usually nervous. Since my husband was brave enough to get snipped I’m obviously the voice of reason on the topic. The first question most [...]
I dread Mondays. Aside from the usual end of the weekend blues, Mondays are the days I have to spend digging my house out of the Sunday MegaWarehouse bulk shopping my husband does.
Last week I plunked down a cool $27 to see Titantic in 3D. This is a movie that I already own and have seen three times in the theater. And also watched in Spanish on Telemundo. Just in case: it still sinks, and I don’t even speak Spanish. Too soon?
When I was in my early teens, I liked to shop at Costco with my mother. It ended on the occasion she directed me to fetch a box of panty liners. I didn’t notice the bottom of the box was open so I was completely surprised when all 500 fanned out on the floor in a sea [...]
When I started working, not that long ago, I believed in order to succeed I needed to work hard and be innovative. That, blessedly, was before our phones were smart. Now, I’m expected to be available to answer any “urgent” question at record speed, at any time of the day. Now, to be successful, I [...]
Though it may seem like the end of the world to a teen who flunks his road test, it’s not. It’s a parent’s job to get him back up on that horse, and try again as soon as possible.
My mom’s in therapy. FINALLY! Who does she think she is, ignoring her mental health when I’ve blamed my lack of mental health on her my whole life? Shouldn’t the chicken get therapy before the egg? Or maybe the egg should have therapy first? Was she the egg or the chicken? I hate egg whites. [...]
When I was young and carefree (and by “carefree” I mean “child-free”), I would think about having children and would imagine the wonderful activities in which my hypothetical children would be involved. I pictured myself going to the open house at school where teachers would regale me with tales of my clever, talented and obedient [...]
Ah, family. They can love hard and be hard to love, but I wouldn’t be anywhere without them. Hell, I wouldn’t be, period, so I thought I’d dedicate the next 400 words in honour of what I do really like about them.
Two kinds of professionals make me nervous: teachers and cops. In the interest of my not getting arrested, let’s talk teachers. In the seventh grade, I had a history teacher that dictated the outline of each chapter of our American history book while also writing it on the blackboard. Like this: I. Causes for the American [...]
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