Spring is here. The sun is coming out and the winter coats are being put away. Your BFF is asking you to come along on a spring time shopping spree because when temperatures get higher, shirt sleeves and pants legs get shorter. Being the awesome friend that you are, you go with her to the [...]
You’re not going to catch me lying about being a large lady. In Sir Mix-a-Lot land, I’ve got back and then some. Rap guys, apparently, like me. Becky? Not so much. Bitch. Being fat can be pretty awesome. Sure, it’s not awesome when I drop, say, a penny. But who needs a penny? See a [...]
I haven’t been to the “free” library in almost two years. Sure I’ve driven past it’s opulent exterior of brick and mortar and longingly thought about its treasure of texts held within. And the buzzing computers and DVDs and micro-film, and the old man that coughs every 30 seconds like he’s about to die. Oh, and the [...]
I have a bad habit of eating like a garbage disposal. It makes perfect sense, waste-wise. It’s a natural chain of events— a simple formula: whatIcookfortheboys – whattheydon’teat = easymealsforme
The other day my kid and I passed the Speedo guy as we were driving to the playground. “Is that the guy who wears the Speedo?” I said. My daughter started to laugh. “Hheh, yeah mom. Eww.” “Mr Creeps,” I said, “that’s what we should call him.” Mr. Creeps is, well, creepy. He clears the [...]
This is definitely a TMI post. If you are a man, run away now. I’m seriously tempted to get pregnant JUST to stop the craziness that is the moody spectacular of what I’ve come to call Shark Week. I think I’ve driven my husband just crazy enough to agree to it. Desperate times, desperate measures [...]
If you are any kind of thinking person, you will make strides in your life to be better. A better friend. A better daughter. A better mother. A better person. You will also try to master certain activities like writing, playing the cello or a three-point shot. As you do these things, you will aim [...]
Health-o-Meter Digital Scale: Long time, no see. Me: Yeah, whatever. Just give me the damage. Health-o-Meter Digital Scale: … … … Me: Hello? Health-o-Meter Digital Scale: I’m still thinking… it takes awhile to count that high. Me: Shut up. Are you finished yet? Health-o-Meter Digital Scale: Maybe I’d be able to think better if a.) [...]
There are some things in life that are unavoidable, like death, taxes and the fact that no matter how you spin it, gravity will eventually catch up to you. Sure, you can use Botox or Restylane, nip this, tuck that, suck these and lift those. With the help of technology, many of us can live [...]
I don’t know if I can 100% agree that I would always keep my own problem, because if I threw my biggest problem into a bag and could trade it for a little slip of paper that said, “Now that I won the lottery, I don’t know how to keep family from always asking me [...]
I hear a lot of nonsense about how women aren’t funny. In fact, it’s actually a joke I often make myself. You see, I like my humor dry (and shaken, not stirred). See, when I think about spending the afternoon with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, I think about how dull and dreary it would [...]
I went shoe shopping with my mom friend (code name Tango). She wanted $300 Mephistos. “Do you think that’s too much money for a walking shoe?” she asked. “You gotta be comfortable when you walk,” said I. So she bought them. Cut to: Me telling our mutual friend (code name The Baker) about Tango’s outrageous shoe [...]
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