Urine Luck

What you are about to hear is an interesting story, But it’s not about goals, feats, or glory. It’s simply about a man named Ray, Who discovered quite an unusual talent one day.   You see, all his life Ray only ate meat, He avoided fruits and veggies, and other healthy things to eat. Until [...]

An Ode to Hot Sauce

hothothot

There are some things in life that aren’t delightful; The outcomes are boring, or dreary and gray. They leave you with pain and make you feel spiteful, Like the time I got hot sauce on my penis one day. While eating nachos and some salsa I got, I realized my hot salsa needed more hot. [...]

Stu and His Glue

turkeybaster

Here’s a weird story:  I have this friend Stu, And Stu liked to do real weird things with glue. He’d sniff it, and lick it, and throw it on walls, He liked to glue glitter on both of his balls.   So one day the phone rings, and I see that it’s Stu, I answer [...]

Don’t Die Over Spilled Milk – A Tragicomedy in One Act

cow

Setting: Two toddlers are playing in the living room peacefully. Their father walks into the room, sees two sippy cups lying on their sides on the couch. Milk is slowly dripping out of them, leaving a visible stain. Kids: Happily. Hi, Daddy. Look at – Father: Yelling. How many times do I have to tell [...]

My Beef with Canon in D

DSC_0048

I play the flute. I’ll wait while you say it. “And this one time, at band camp…” I played in orchestra and band and stuff in high school and had plenty of practice playing the same songs over  and over because gosh forbid the music nun pick new songs every year. We played “Canon in [...]

Channeling Lucille Ball

Lucille Ball

Hey, you. Is life looking a little grey? A little same-old-same-old humdrum? No smiles to be found? Boo, what you need is a little mojo injection. A shot of something fun and brilliant. Some sweet inspiration to charge up your juice–but without costing you too much perspiration. Here’s your answer for the blah blah blahs.  [...]