Built To Last… A Year or Two

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I’m going to drive this car into the ground. You hear people say that. But what you don’t hear people say is, I’m going to get the last rinse cycle out of this dishwasher if it’s the last thing I do. We don’t plan out our relationships with major appliances that long. We buy ‘em. [...]

Dealing with OPS (Other People’s Stuff)

toys on the floor

If you live with other people, you are going to have to deal with Other People’s Stuff (OPS). Unless you live in a herd of raging neatnicks, in which case I’m not sure why you’re reading this post. Anyway, the OPS can range from towels on the bathroom floor, bookbags & briefcases left in the [...]

From Straight-ened to Scared Sloppy

rug

The cat bounds into the bedroom, pulling the rug with her like some kind of feline magic carpet. My six year old, witnessing the mayhem and in an immediate and instinctive show of OCD solidarity toward his mother, straightens said rug, making sure all the corners are neatly turned down, tassels straightened. My Goddess… what [...]

Amazing Life Advice from Someone Without a Life

corn picks

I love all these online articles that fix your life in the ten seconds it takes to read them. Want to know how to get and keep a guy? Or shave your legs so they’re stubble-free for a week? (Those two might be connected) Or lose weight and feel great? Or channel Martha Stewart? Well [...]

10 Tips for Fake Cleaning Your House

blinds

If you have time to clean your house thoroughly, hooray! If you’ve put off serious housekeeping until you have a spare weekend and are faced with last-minute guests, read on. Quickly! 1. Create no-fly zones: Decide which rooms guests can visit and use the other rooms as storage for the clutter that typically lives on countertops [...]

Ten Things to do When Your Husband is Away on Business

I'm just trying samples, honest. I didn't paint THE WHOLE WALL.

I promised. I promised this time that when he went away, I wouldn’t paint any walls. This time. It turns out that when my husband goes away on business, I get a little stressed out. See, when I handle that stress, I get a wee bit impulsive. And when I get impulsive to handle that [...]

Spring Cleaning for Dummies

I even straightened my utensil drawers!

It’s that time of year!  Spring Cleaning! For me it’s a little less Spring Cleaning and it’s kinda more a culmination of the end of S.A.D. and beginning of longer days, occurring simultaneously with full moon phases, daylight savings, and a visit from Aunt Flo. In other words, super-duper-hyper-mania. (Why yes, I HAVE seen my [...]

What Lies Under the Bed

What Lies Under the Bed

In every house, there is a dark and scary place. It is a place full of secrets. It is a place where one should never venture nor even dare to look, especially not at night. I’m speaking, of course, of that terrifying forgotten space under the bed. What lies under the bed is the stuff [...]

When Things Disappear in My House

Where things go to die.

Things have a way of completely disappearing in my house. One minute we have ten keys, the next minute they all disappear like they’ve been “beamed up” or something (had to get the Trek reference in, for I am a geek). No matter the object, no matter how small, things come to my house to [...]

The Thing About Pockets

Funny Rat

Every morning as I get off the train, I make a conscious effort to empty my pockets of garbage. This is a more arduous task than you would expect. It is also a critical step in me not contracting the bubonic plague. For, you see, were I not to empty my pockets regularly I would [...]

Corporate Communication, or How To Pass the Buck Nicely

Our corporation.  Extra points if you can find the CEO.

A family is like a corporation. Except everybody loves each other and stuff.  But, mostly, there’s a lot in common between businesses and families. There are tasks: financial reports, HR management, and, in some scenarios, pink slips and filling open positions. There’s something clinical about this parallel, but it’s true. For example, everyone who’s a [...]

Applications For Sister Wife Now Being Accepted

Rosemary Roast Chicken

I was addicted to the HBO series Big Love despite my initial questions about polygamy. However, I am an open-minded person from a very abnormal family, so I quickly realized sister wives are not only awesomesauce, but should become a part of mainstream society. Like, yesterday. My third daughter will arrive this month, so my need for [...]