Boys Are Stinky: Proceed With Caution and Nose Plugs


Boys are cute. Boys can be intriguing. Boys are also stinky. I live in a household full of boys with only a cat and dog to commiserate with. Which is fine. Mostly. After all, I’ve been in rock bands with boys – stinky, foul mouthed, messy boys – for most of my adult life.  I’m [...]

The Four-Letter Word Girls Need to Stop Using


  Why is it okay to call a 16-year-old a word you wouldn’t dream of using on a six-year-old? Really–why? Think about it. What changes between the ages of six and 16? At six my daughter likes wearing makeup and tight clothes; she plays dress-up. She talks with boys and plays with them. The other [...]

I Gave You Life, You Gave Me A Slushy Maker


Oh my beautiful children. Your heartfelt Mother’s Day gifts to me. How did you know? You nailed it. Every year, it’s what I hoped I’d get. This year, I need to publicly thank you so that the world knows just how special and thoughtful the gifts from you, my husband and children, are. Let’s begin [...]

What’s the Worst Pick-Up Line You’ve Ever Heard?


Boys are dumb (I’m sure you didn’t need me to tell you that). Some guys are fully aware of their own awkwardness in dealing with girls. They decide that they’re ready to start showing a girl that they’re interested, but they end up stumbling all over themselves in the process. The slightly smarter ones own [...]

How To Not Call It A Gun When It’s A Gun


My husband and I once walked this planet as part of the species known as the Smug Parent-To-Be. All-knowing, we wielded The Family Edict on just how things would be in our house. Our children would always act in love and no games involving weapons would be allowed. We would have children that only knew [...]

13 Things You Never Thought You’d Have to Say to Your Children

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Children are people too. Stubborn, bizarre and obtuse little people, whose actions and activities make the strangest things come out of your mouth. Here are just a few of the extraordinary things my boys have caused me to say throughout their hyperactive little lives: Please don’t step on the baby. Please stop smelling my pants.

Anatomy Lessons for the 4 Year Old


A couple of weeks ago, my husband and young son were in the bath together, I was busying myself putting away some laundry in the bedroom when I overheard this little nugget of conversation:    ” you see those things underneath my willy, they are called…”  

Who’s Guiltier, Men or Women?


Guilt – is it primarily a woman’s prerogative? My wise friend M. said “being a woman means feeling guilty about everything you do for the rest of your life.” My equally wise friend T. said “Mom guilt, mom guilt…where the pickle is all the Dad guilt!?” (She didn’t say pickle.) Is it true? Do women [...]

My Daughter, Myself, and My Mini Nervous Breakdown

My daughter is now 7.5 years old. The other day she passed a note to a boy in her class which I was told read, “Dear Boy who better not touch me” ok, that’s my version, hers was “Dear (insert name of boy who better not touch her): I really like you a lot. I [...]

Hairmiliation: My 7th Grade Perm


Twin B, aka “Butterbean,” is already long overdue for her sixth haircut.  Her older (by a minute), but less hairy sister has only had one trim during these first 19 months, and won’t need another for quite a while. All the haircuts so far have been performed deftly by Dr. Mom, whose keen eye and [...]