A Little Head Bump is Okay if He Doesn’t Cry, Right?

rew

I shouldn’t be glad he hit the baby’s head against the stove. Maybe glad isn’t the right word. Smug might be more like it. We give Ryan his baths on the kitchen counter, you see. We do this because my back cannot handle the low tub with the high side. I tried it a few times and spent all of bath [...]

Morning Multiple Choice

359dzo[1]

1. On a typical early weekday morning (defined as the time between 6:30 and 8 a.m.), you are most likely to find me: (a)    Stuffing my kids’ lunch boxes with Capri Suns and other pre-packaged items; (b)   Feeding the baby her bottle, letting the dog outside to poop and then forgetting he’s out there unattended [...]

How to Piss off Your Wife on Her 35th Birthday

Sure, 35 isn’t a super duper milestone, but it ends in a five. We all know that when your age ends in a five or a zero, it’s a big deal, right? Thus, as my thirty-fifth birthday approached, visions of sugar-plums a mani/pedi at the spa or some new bling danced in my head. Unbeknownst to me, [...]

10 Things You Should Never Say to a New Mom Unless You Have a Death Wish

The author's son Nino at 3 months old rockin' the mohawk & thigh dimples

A strange thing happens when you become a mom. Actually, it begins when your belly first becomes big enough for people to assume you are carrying a tiny gremlin inside. Suddenly, random strangers feel the need to accost your distended uterus with their hands and tell you their personal thoughts about everything from epidurals and [...]