Do I Look Like a Pirate?
One of the first pirated movies I ever got was The Cutting Edge. You see, things were different back in the day. Back in the stone age when we watched things on VHS tapes. Back in 1992 when I was still in elementary school. Back when we made each other mix tapes on our boom boxes and had to use the rewind button to skip to the next song. Back in those days there was no utorrent or bittorrent or mininova or isohunt. It was even the days before Napster. No. If you saw a movie in the theater that you ...
Can I Get an Order of FAIL With That?
Last weekend I watched Food Inc and solemnly swore to myself never to eat McDonalds again. Then I got my period and needed French fries from McDonalds more than I needed oxygen. I drove toward the gleaming arches in a hormonal fog, salivating at the thought of salty, probably-crack-infused goodness to sooth my aching crampy body. (Sidenote: You know, in actuality, I get an entirely different and equally un-awesome type of cramps when I eat McDonalds. Will I ever learn? Probably not.) Anyway, I pulled into the drive-through line and called my friend and started chatting about ...
The Freaky Plastic Burger King Dude Has it Out for Me
Believe it or not, I don't have many vices. Xanax is a friend of mine on occasion, sure, but I can honestly say, I don't depend on it (except that time of the month or when my husband is on vacation or the kids are home on summer break or when I have to spend extended amounts of time at the in-laws, but totally, not dependent.) I cannot, however, live, breathe, not maim or make it to 10AM without my coffee. True story. Five years ago, I didn' t even DRINK coffee. I have always loved coffee flavoring and could eat my weight in Coffee Ice Cream (Starbuck's Java ...
Cristal Tastes on a Natty Light Budget
When I was pregnant for the first time, I went ALL OUT getting ready for the baby. I researched crib bedding for hours. Literally. Hours. I was lucky enough to find exactly what I wanted from Pottery Barn Kids. It was a vintage baseball theme and it was adorable. And since it was my first baby, my family and friends purchased most of it for me! SCORE! When baby number two came along and was also a boy, he received hand me downs by default. Isn't that what happens with second kids? Why buy new crib bedding when I had perfectly good, ...
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Stuff Lust »
The Freaky Plastic Burger King Dude Has it Out for Me
Believe it or not, I don’t have many vices. Xanax is a friend of mine on occasion, sure, but I can honestly say, I don’t depend on it (except that time of the month or when my husband is on vacation or the kids are home on summer break [...]
More in Stuff Lust
Sexy Time »
I Am Watching The Sex Scenes for RESEARCH. Yup.
I lost my virginity on my wedding night.
Yes. It’s true.
Some days I am thankful that THE GUILT guided me through this abstinence club (I am Donna Martin!) of my youth. I am thankful that I have only ever had sex with one man; my husband. I am glad [...]
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Self(ish) »
Can I Get an Order of FAIL With That?
Last weekend I watched Food Inc and solemnly swore to myself never to eat McDonalds again. Then I got my period and needed French fries from McDonalds more than I needed oxygen. I drove toward the gleaming arches in a hormonal fog, salivating at the thought [...]
More in Self(ish)
Pop Rocks »
Do I Look Like a Pirate?
One of the first pirated movies I ever got was The Cutting Edge.
You see, things were different back in the day. Back in the stone age when we watched things on VHS tapes. Back in 1992 when I was still in elementary school. Back when we made each [...]
More in Pop Rocks
Playing House »
Cool and Easy Seeds to Grow with Kids
It’s that time of year…at least it is for us gardening-type people. This is the time of year we start dreaming of spring. If you’re very lucky you live in one of those states or provinces like California or British Columbia and if you’re not gardening [...]
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Parent Trap »
A Day in the Life
2:30—Leave house.
2:45—Get to the carpool lot to pick up kid #3.
3:30—Leave said lot after ridiculously methodical procession while cursing about those 45 minutes of my life I’ll never get back.
3:45—Go to party supply store to get Mardi Gras stuff for class party and rethink EVER volunteering again or maybe dig [...]
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Nerdgasm »
Frog Balls are the New Black, Or Green… I’m so Confused
The last time I enjoyed a video game was in 1981, and I was playing Frogger with my younger brothers. Every game I’ve played since then sucks balls. Not frog balls, just regular balls.
Do frogs even have balls? I’d Google it, but I’m worried about the porn results [...]
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List Love »
Top 15 Ways for Men to Make Sure They Don’t Get Laid
I’ve taken an informal poll amongst my lady friends, as well as our very astute Aiming Low readers and according to them, these are the top 15 ways for men to make sure they don’t have to partake in the drudgery of sex anytime soon—or possibly ever again.
1. [...]
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