Using Up All Romance in the Engagement – In Bali for a vacation, I scheduled a helicopter to take us a remote beach where we were totally alone for an hour. Then, I waited until minute 59 to actually pull the ring out of my shorts and propose. You can’t go up from there. It’s all [...]
It’s not that my colleague would push his dogs into the great beyond to take their rightful place in pet heaven, but he would sign a ‘do not resuscitate’ if the opportunity showed up. Don’t go there, animal lovers! This is a humorous dialogue about three long-living senior citizens who have outlasted predicted demise…and their [...]
The topic of vasectomies comes up often in conversations with other moms. Most of us think the men should be the ones to go under the knife, but the husbands are usually nervous. Since my husband was brave enough to get snipped I’m obviously the voice of reason on the topic. The first question most [...]
Math has never been my strong suit. For as long as I can remember, I’ve struggled with numbers. I am resourcefully fluent with words. I can manipulate words, change them around, shake them up and give them new meaning. I can speak in a language that my generation connects with. Numbers are too strict. I’ve [...]
Quinn starts most mornings with 2 bananas. Starts. She’s 19 months old. It sounds excessive because it is. I understand that as the adult in these transactions, I should impact and change this ritual of gluttony. But you see, I can’t. She demands, “‘NANA’! More NANA!!” with an increasing hostility that makes me dread her entry [...]
Sorry, Clark Kent, Superman and maybe even Jimmy… Lois Lane is going solo. In a fascinating turn of events, the veteran journalist of Metropolis’ Daily Planet is rumored to have booted both Clark Kent and Superman, who incidentally are never seen together but that doesn’t mean anything, from her tight circle of confidantes. The upgraded [...]
As the mother of a preschooler, I can tell you many things about Hello Kitty. I can tell you that she lives in London, is in 3rd grade, and has a twin sister named Mimmy. I cannot tell you the one thing my daughter desperately wants to know about Hello Kitty—why she doesn’t have a [...]
My son is two. To me, there is no need to be up in arms that potty training is not going so well. While yes, it would be going better if I were a little more…helpful. But, I’m ambivalent. Daddy asks him repeatedly, “Do you need to go to the pot?” I just randomly check [...]
Americans love to think of ways the world might come to a gruesome end. Zombies, global pandemics, aliens, asteroids, nuclear war, global warming, or an angry Judeo-Christian or Mayan god. Although people may disagree on the time and means, everyone seems to agree that the world is screwed. I’m beyond arguing that any of these [...]
Picture me laying on a king size bed in a relative’s house (we were spending the night). The bedroom is adjacent to a bathroom. My husband is in the bathroom dong his business. I am relaxed and happy to be away from my daily routine when I hear my husband yell, “NO!!! Stop, please stop!” “Are [...]
Two kinds of professionals make me nervous: teachers and cops. In the interest of my not getting arrested, let’s talk teachers. In the seventh grade, I had a history teacher that dictated the outline of each chapter of our American history book while also writing it on the blackboard. Like this: I. Causes for the American [...]
What happens to dictators when they get old? Do their sunglasses interfere with their advancing macular degeneration? Has their stance on facial hair changed?
<a href="http://www.blogher.com/announcing-blogher-12-party-plan?conf=478218" title="Come As You Are Party"><img src="http://freeanissa.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/2012_CAYA_125_Going.jpg" alt="Come As You Are Party"/></a>
