1. The perky boobs I paid for. I mean, really! I nursed for almost 16 months (in your face, people who told me I couldn’t do it!). Now my nipples look a little sad, it’s like they’re looking down in shame now that they don’t have a job. We’ve looked in the classified ads but…
AL Mail Bag
It Happened to Me
When I was twenty-two, I moved across the country. Dear friends helped me find a gym and the grocery store. They also referred me to their own reputable and time-tested doctors. During the first meeting with my new gynecologist, I found myself in an awkward position – more awkward than lying naked on your back,…
No, These Are NOT Extensions
I’m making a custom t-shirt. The front will say, “This is MY Hair.” And the back will read, “Nope! NOT Extensions!” I don’t blame people for thinking any black woman with hair beyond her earlobes must have a weave. Let’s face it, if all you know of us is the Chris Rock movie and other…
All I Ever Needed To Know I Learned During My Episiotomy
Hi, my name is Julie, and I’m a victim of Circumstantial Shamelessness. I once had plenty of shame. My first pregnancy for example; a time of innocence when I shuddered at the prospect of anyone witnessing me push another person out of my own person; when I imagined even my husband remaining “north of the…
Holiday Pictures from Hell
I wanted to take a nice picture of my kids for a holiday card. That’s all. I didn’t want them to sit and pose while I painted a reproduction of the Nativity. A sweet photograph of my offspring grinning merrily at the camera was all I was looking for. It was just the spawn, the…
How I’m Winning at College
I managed to make it to class today wearing an oh so stylish combination of sweatpants, snow boots, and several layers of t-shirts and hoodies. This outfit was the result of having misplaced my coat, an appropriate thing to do in the middle of a Colorado winter. Then my brain thought that the only necessary make-up for…
Bye, Bye, Birdie
Brothers and Sisters, today we gather together to commemorate the life and death of Ernie the Parakeet. Purchased from the local Petsmart, Ernie quickly became a treasured member of the family. The Boy especially loved Ernie, and, oh, how Ernie loved living in his cage by the TV. Until one sad morning.
A Cup of Self-Awareness Tea
I like to think I have some self-awareness. For instance, I know when I am about to say something childish to my husband. This doesn’t mean I refrain, I just know what I am saying is ridiculous. I try to review my behavior periodically; when I think it was a bit questionable and I am…
