How Not to Respond to a Proposal

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Future brides to be, heed my words of warning.  My husband gleefully reminded me of how I botched my reply to his proposal the other night.  His advice to our daughters was:  Do not use profanity.  Reply with an answer within a few seconds. My husband proposed to me in an idyllic setting. We climbed [...]

Lashing Out

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I don’t mean to brag, but I think I can confidently say that I have perfected the role of a perpetual “Before” picture when it comes to day-to-day beauty. I just have no interest, and we’re past the point of no return. But I do wear a little foundation and a coat of mascara, which [...]

From Straight-ened to Scared Sloppy

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The cat bounds into the bedroom, pulling the rug with her like some kind of feline magic carpet. My six year old, witnessing the mayhem and in an immediate and instinctive show of OCD solidarity toward his mother, straightens said rug, making sure all the corners are neatly turned down, tassels straightened. My Goddess… what [...]

How Much You Would Have to Pay Me to See “Les Miserables”?

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A $22.50 ticket. What, I’m supposed to pay with my own money to see it? Hell to the no. You can pay me. And yes, I know a regular ticket is just $11.50, but if I’m going to sit through this, you’re sending me to the fancy section of the movie theater where there’s food [...]

An Open Letter To Taylor Swift

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Dear Taylor Swift, Hi. I’m just going to come out and say it. I love you. I love your music. I love your style. And I don’t care what anyone else thinks. I think you’re awesome. This 31-year-old stay-at-home mom can’t help but sing along to your catchy tunes while my girls dance around the [...]

The Poop Detective

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Unemployment isn’t all eating chocolate and watching Ellen in my pj’s while I wait for a job offer. It’s actually pretty damn depressing, especially dragging on as long as it has. After awhile you begin to wonder if all of your past experience is worth anything anymore. After pondering how I could really put my [...]

Daily Awesome 01/01/13

I know it’s the new year and all, and hopefully you did all your Christmas shopping, but just in case you didn’t, I wanted to offer up some things you can skip buying. Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva offers us her 3rd Annual Horrible Gifts for the Guide, and really, it could be subtitled [...]

My Kids Are The Best. And The Worst.

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A friend was feeling bad yesterday morning. She had an epic fight with her three year old because he wouldn’t let her wipe him after pooping. They were late for preschool and she didn’t have time for his shit. Literally. She lost her temper, and after dropping him off at school, she still felt remorse. [...]

Lessons From a Football Coach

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As I was staring at my laptop, with a really bad case of writer’s block, my husband sat next to me and started to watch A Football Life: Tom Coughlin. Although I like the Giants (Eli Manning happens to be my NFL boyfriend) I wasn’t really interested in watching it. After about ten minutes of [...]

10 Reasons Why I Think My Preschooler is in the CIA

Aiming Low Guest Writer December 2012

Dear parents of preschoolers, I’ve been dealing with this myself, but now I must share my concerns: I believe my daughter’s preschool is a top secret early CIA program. Think about it: they are in school for at least 5 hours a day! But what do you really know about what they are doing? They [...]

Top 10 Things I’ve Learned From People Magazine

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Who doesn’t have a guilty pleasure addiction to People magazine? Just a glance at the headlines, and you’re a better person for it. Here are my Top 10 Things I’ve Learned From People Magazine: 10. An “onlooker,” “insider,” and “gal pal” are all people with much to say. I’m not sure why famous people still [...]

Get This Laptop to the ER, STAT!

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My laptop had a stroke. There were no warning signs. One minute all my gigahertz and jigawatts were working fine, and the next; nothing… nada… zippo. It wasn’t a sniffle or a snort. It was sudden death. Sensing that something really, really bad had happened, I immediately called my local Apple store to make an [...]