Years ago I dated a woman from Colorado. I made plans to go visit and flew down to spend the weekend. I had told her how, years ago, I wore jeans that were tight in the crotch because I thought women found them sexy. Obviously I was wrong. She made me promise to bring them…
Guest Writers
My Personal Tale of Good Enough: My Makeshift Security System
I’m a little nutso about home security – as in completely insane. I always need the doors locked and on hot nights, I leave the bedroom windows open just a crack in case an enterprising stabber rock climbs our sheer walls to gain access to my body. I also must have our home alarm activated…
Locked in the Bathroom
I was called to sub for a P.E. teacher. She had an office in the girls’ locker room behind the gym, way away from the rest of the school. She also had a private bathroom in the office. Are you getting this? Bathroom in an office, office in a locker room, locker room behind the gym, way away from rest of the school….
The Feral Toddler Exercise Plan
I hate the gym. Not because I have upper arms which jiggle more than your Aunt Martha’s Mystery Easter Jello Mold, but because of women who insist on wearing a full frontal mask of make-up and designer clothes when they work out. Working out isn’t pretty time. It’s hot sweaty mess time. It’s “I have…
Remember – Laundry is a Privilege
Do you hate doing laundry? Please don’t. I’m here to ask you to re-think this. Why? Because you have the privilege of doing laundry. Yes, the privilege. You are able to do the following while laundry is cleaned: Stay in the comfort of your home. Wear pajamas. Drink wine. Watch bad TV. Here, in the…
Never Too Much
I stockpile. I stockpile EVERYTHING. It drives my husband crazy, but he has come to accept it and he usually makes a joke about it now. I am waiting, as I type this, for him to find the 3 additional munchkin teethers that arrived today. Aiven liked the first one so much, that I though…
Ma’am
So the bag boys and girls at the grocery store have started calling me “ma’am.” Right before they ask if I need help to my car. I assume this is standard protocol and not because my high fiber oatmeal suggests I can’t manage a solo journey across the parking lot. And I’m certain the employees are…
That MacArthur Genius Grant Can’t Get Here Soon Enough
I’m a smart person. Mostly. There are times, however, when I wonder how I am able to function without harming myself or others.
