Middle-Aged Rapper

Kanye-West-teeth_320

When my son was two, he was very excited about something and joyfully head butted me in the mouth and cracked my bottom tooth. Eventually, the tooth died. I was very surprised when I was given this sad news; I didn’t know teeth could die. I had never thought of them as living things before [...]

Making Myself Useful

Handyman FAIL

“So, what did you do today?” That’s what my wife asks me on Tuesdays and Thursdays now. Well, she asks me that pretty much every day when she comes home from work, but Tuesdays and Thursdays are when our 3-year-old twins are in preschool, as they have been for the last three weeks. But in [...]

The 10 Commandments of Blogging

Fine, I shalt not covet The Bloggess' Google Analytics numbers. *sigh*

1. I am thy Blogger, but that does not make me thy God, even if I have 100K Twitter followers and 786 comments on a post that was nothing but a photo of a Tater Tot casserole I made for dinner with the caption “Got Tots?” (Shut up, that meme is totally coming back.) 2. [...]

Finally Accepting My Baldness (Sort Of)

This is pretty much the best angle.

As God is my witness, I shall never pay for a haircut again!

The Cost of a Tree

Chris-Kavanaugh

I imagine all parents pass milestones that serve as reminders of how pricey the little beasties we put on this Earth can be. For me it began with the amount of paper products I bought and immediately disposed of when Miller was an infant. I found myself at the store every 48 hours stocking up [...]

We’re hosting the Come As You Are party #CAYA at @BlogHer

Come As You Are Party - BlogHer 8.14.12

<— Before I remind you about the Come As You Are party!!!…… (HOLLA!!!!!) I’m going to take a second and be like that obnoxious mom on the playground that will show you ALL the pictures of her new baby. I’m incredibly proud of all the writers of Aiming Low that became BlogHer Voices Of The [...]

My Empty Nest Fantasy: 5 Things I Plan on Doing Once the Kids Are in School

empty-nest

Instead of stressing about productive things to do while my kids are in school, I choose to dream about things I will never be able to achieve.

Why I Flirt With Other Moms

I flirt with moms more than men these days, not because I’m a lesbian (although that’s on my bucket list),  but because what if– A.  I flirt with a man who isn’t my husband and he throws me to the ground in a fit of bestial passion and plants his seed from whence a man-child issues forth (even [...]

Do You Know What a Blogger Is?

Blog Button

Hi, my name is Unknown Mami (not really), and I’m a blogger. Chances are that if you are reading this, you probably know what a blog is because this website that you are visiting is a blog (short for “weblog”), and I, being one of the writers for said blog, am a blogger. Much of my [...]

By Default Friends

Photo on 11-20-11 at 7.43 PM #4

  So do you remember when you had friends? Come on you remember–they’re the people who quit calling when you had children.  I’m not blaming them, god knows I quit hanging out with a lot of people I liked once they had nothing left to talk about other than what brand of ass wipes they [...]

Do Dogs Reflect Their Owners? If So, I’m Screwed

Be thankful I didn't use a picture of dog poop on the carpet. I have many.

Have your dogs reflected different stages of your life?

My Kids Have a Dora Problem

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These are my kids’ brains on Dora.