So do you remember when you had friends? Come on you remember–they’re the people who quit calling when you had children. I’m not blaming them, god knows I quit hanging out with a lot of people I liked once they had nothing left to talk about other than what brand of ass wipes they [...]
Have your dogs reflected different stages of your life?
I guess some couples don’t change much after they have children. They’re still the same crazy, lovey-dovey kids they always were. Screw those guys. My wife and I are technically the same people we were when we met twenty years ago. We’re just twenty years older. And we have two kids who are almost three [...]
A bunch of the ladies in my neighborhood went out this weekend and did one of those Tough Mudder 5K obstacle course things. You know, you run, then you climb over walls and crawl under barbed wire in mud and then you run some more? One of those. I think it goes without saying that [...]
I’ve accepted that women no longer find me irresistible. But men? Really?
Before I start this urban etiquette rant, let me say: Anyone who lives in or has spent any amount of time in New York knows that six is a laughably low number for this list. People say that if you see a rat anywhere in the city, there are 10 more hiding out where that [...]
Rivals since their first class together at Landscaping Academy fifteen years ago, Mack and Kenny often find themselves in our subdivision working side by side on neighboring homes.
Twin A sits on the stairs and “reads” an instruction pamphlet to her friends “Duck Duck” and “Baby Bat,” pointing at the illustrations and asking, “Now what happens?” Twin B lolls around with her polar bear on some dog towels out on the deck, wearing the swimsuit she’s worn for the past four days–backwards, because [...]
Every little princess deserves a $10,000 bedroom set!
A letter to my children from beyond the grave.
Forgive me, for my eye has roved. There was a 1970 Challenger R/T parked in front of the restaurant at the beach, and a couple cars down, a Ferrari Testarossa: red, as they always are But it wasn’t these trifles that tempted me. No: My eye, though it did rove, was jaundiced toward these [...]
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