Have your dogs reflected different stages of your life?
11 Things I Swore I’d Never Do as a Parent
Before I was lucky enough to have children (SHUT UP) I thought I knew it all. I saw how my parents and other relatives parented and thought, “I’ve got this.” I also had lists of things I’d never, EVER do when I was a parent. How completely stupid naive I was. Look, I was a [...]
Who is this Freak I Married?
I don’t care how well you think you know the person you are married to/in love with/living in sin with, the day will come when you look at that person and think…Who is this freak?! I’ve been with my significant other for over a decade and I’m used to him and his ways. For the [...]
You’ve Got Mail! Letters I Wish I Could Send
Dear Husband, If I am pissed off at you, it is because you did something to piss me off. I know it is hard to believe, but I don’t actually enjoy being pissed off at you. I have way better things to do, like tell you where the scissors are even though they are in [...]
A Little Head Bump is Okay if He Doesn’t Cry, Right?
I shouldn’t be glad he hit the baby’s head against the stove. Maybe glad isn’t the right word. Smug might be more like it. We give Ryan his baths on the kitchen counter, you see. We do this because my back cannot handle the low tub with the high side. I tried it a few times and spent all of bath [...]
Husbands: Can’t Live With Them, Watch Too Much TV Without Them
My husband is away on a fishing trip. He is sunning himself somewhere in southern India attempting to catch some type of fish I have never heard of, and cannot begin to spell, on an equally unpronounceable river. I am left at home holding the non-proverbial baby and a 5-year-old. As it happens, I’m not [...]
When I Was Your Age
I remember being a kid and using a flashlight under my blankets to sneak extra reading time. Those stories just couldn’t be put away, so I stuck my head under the comforter and lost myself in the sweat, words and precariously held light. I was doing it with Bobbsey Twins when I was little. It [...]
The REAL Reason I Have Dogs
Dogs are called man’s best friend for a reason. Some folks like them because they are constant companions. Some because they are a part of the family (and never tell me I look fat). Others enjoy participating in athletic pursuits with their pups. But most people would never admit to one of my favorite reasons. [...]
If I Were a Hooker
I guess some couples don’t change much after they have children. They’re still the same crazy, lovey-dovey kids they always were. Screw those guys. My wife and I are technically the same people we were when we met twenty years ago. We’re just twenty years older. And we have two kids who are almost three [...]
We Met In A Chat Room, Now Our Love Can Fully Bloom
A few years ago, I really didn’t understand internet dating. I suppose I felt superior picking both my husbands the old fashioned way–drunk, at a bar. I had difficulty understanding the process of scrolling through bios and glamour shots, starting conversations, and moving to the next level. It all seemed so contrived. I did not believe [...]
7 Ways to Spice Up Your Wife for Mother’s Day
I thought I’d help the menfolk out this year with ideas on how to make your wife feel special on Mother’s Day (which, by the way, is May 13–missing it entirely would not be wise). A quick perusal of flickr using the terms “husband wife connect” gave me some lovely visual inspiration–and a lot of [...]
Suspiciously Rich Liars
So back in my Seattle days, there was this guy I’ll call Ernie. Ernie was a douchebag–but not in a malicious way, in a he-tries-too-hard kinda way. He was always hanging out with this pale, meek chick who was frequently (and inexplicably) barefoot, thus exposing her rodent-like feet, so thin as to be translucent, an [...]
