I haven’t slept in two weeks. I’m a little crazy. Not as crazy as when I posted my nudes, but close. It’s 9 p.m. I commence my trying-to-go-to-sleep rituals which include: a hot bath; sipping Ovaltine like an elderly, celibate cat rescue lady; and/or reading something way over my head, like Anna Karenina, Dante’s Inferno, the [...]
Do Dogs Reflect Their Owners? If So, I’m Screwed
Have your dogs reflected different stages of your life?
5 Things I’ve Always Hated About Summer But Was Too Afraid to Admit
So, it’s almost Memorial Day, which basically means it’s summer. Know how I know? I just got my WHITE DENIM SHORTS out of their hibernation spot in my plastic underbed storage rectangle, which is like a hyperbaric chamber for bad ideas (also in there: a cashmere halter top and a jersey romper). Don’t get me [...]
Why I Avoid The Movie Theater
I don’t go out to the movies often. If I am lucky enough to secure a sitter, movie-going is about #18 on my list of things I would rather do without children. It is sandwiched between showing up stag to a pap smear and attending an obligatory baby shower. I can count on my fingers [...]
10 Tips To Be Creatively Awesome
In the blog world there’s a mission to always be interesting. Thought-provoking. Creative. But I think people forget that “creative” is a trait you can strive to bring into your everyday world. Whether you’re photographing nature, painting a masterpiece, or finding a new use for cheese with dinner. Make your efforts creative. Make your results [...]
In Defense of the Elderly Vagina
Is your womb in its geriatric phase? Fear not. There’s always a silver lining….
Potato Chip Sandwiches and Other Staples of A Healthy Diet
Food. I haz obsession. I pretty much think about food ALL DAY LONG and when I’m eating one meal I’m already thinking about the next. Fortunately, I have the awesomest genes on the planet because I manage to stay in good shape and health. But I often eat like crap. For example, my favorite food? [...]
You’ve Got Mail! Letters I Wish I Could Send
Dear Husband, If I am pissed off at you, it is because you did something to piss me off. I know it is hard to believe, but I don’t actually enjoy being pissed off at you. I have way better things to do, like tell you where the scissors are even though they are in [...]
My Travel Hound Satiating Staycation
I know that I’m lucky to have traveled as much as I already have in my life. The thing of it is though, once you’ve had a taste, the need to see new places, savor new food and view the world from 38,000 feet suctions on to your brain like an octopus on a large, [...]
It’s Awesome to be Fat
You’re not going to catch me lying about being a large lady. In Sir Mix-a-Lot land, I’ve got back and then some. Rap guys, apparently, like me. Becky? Not so much. Bitch. Being fat can be pretty awesome. Sure, it’s not awesome when I drop, say, a penny. But who needs a penny? See a [...]
Welcome to the (Bureaucratic) Hotel California
When I was a young woman of 28, I got a job in a local government agency (name withheld to protect the bureaucratic). It was a good job by any standard. I was in a position to help people and the salary and benefits were nothing to shake a stick at. When I started, a [...]
