My Brain Won’t Let Me Sleep

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I’m a huge fan of sleep. It’s one of my favorite things in the world. You know, after my husband, daughters, Doctor Who (I’m loving Capaldi’s outfit), rainbow sprinkles, and crispy bacon. But some nights I can’t go to sleep. Actually, it’s more like my brain won’t LET me sleep. That’s right. It keeps talking. [...]

My hair is the Janet of Three’s Company.

"Hey girls. Anyone up for Ladies Night?"

My hair is boring. It blends in and is unseen. It’s the Janet of Three’s Company, the Jan of The Brady Bunch, the Jennifer of Family Ties. Until I was twelve-years-old I had really long, all-the-way-down-to-my-butt hair. Then I cut it to the shoulder length, parted on the side, and developed the mushroom shaped hairstyle [...]

Ceramic squirrels are a girl’s best friend.

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Did you stab anybody this past Christmas? A few women did. One lady stabbed her fiancé during an argument over the color scheme for their wedding. Another woman was so upset when her boyfriend came home without beer on Christmas that she beat and stabbed him with a ceramic squirrel. A ceramic squirrel. Now, I’ve [...]

Like For Like

Believe it or not, I was quite restrained here. I may need to talk to someone about my anger.

That’s apparently how it’s supposed to work. I will like/follow your thing if you like/follow mine. Can’t we just like or not like things based solely on whether or not we like them? I guess not. This is a post on my Facebook page wall. You don’t need to read it, because I’m not proud [...]

Beat It Like It Owes You Money

That's 1/4" wallboard at the max. I'm surprised that nothing got on me.

Mouth breathers are going to be the death of me. Last night I set my alarm for six o’clock in the morning. Normally it would be five, but because of a series of screw ups yesterday, the crew that was supposed to have our bridges in didn’t complete their end of the bargain. This means [...]

An Ode to Hot Sauce

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There are some things in life that aren’t delightful; The outcomes are boring, or dreary and gray. They leave you with pain and make you feel spiteful, Like the time I got hot sauce on my penis one day. While eating nachos and some salsa I got, I realized my hot salsa needed more hot. [...]

Every kiss doesn’t begin with Kay.

No!

My husband proposed in front of a dog-doo sanitation unit. You know, the little stand they have in parks and on trails, with baggies and a trash can where you can stow poo? Yeah. He didn’t mean to, but when he got down on 1 knee along the trail where we had our first date, [...]

I Love My Job

Sunrise as I soak down the freshly graded powder.

I really do like getting up and going to work in the morning. Now. I wasn’t  always so eager, but I love coming out west in the winters and freezing in ice roads. I don’t know why. Before you get excited I’ll tell you that it’s not like on the show. This is a totally [...]

How to Go From a 6 to 8 in Hotness

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I’m about to change your life. Now, that’s a pretty bold claim. You are right to doubt. There’s a lot of sixes out there that have bumped themselves up to eights. With one simple move. Cosmetics? Liposuction? Facial reconstructive surgery? Nope. Wearing sunglasses makes you instantly hotter. Two points, to be accurate. How does this [...]

You’re An Adult So Start Texting Like It

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I had a text conversation today. It was actually a conglomeration of text conversations from several people so that my friends who text like that can pretend that it’s not about them. It’s totally about them. Every goddamn one of them. Don’t get me wrong, I love my friends, and just because they do things that [...]

Being Good Enough

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At least once a month I write a piece for Aiming Low’s Miss Unlimited. I write about a myriad of things. Relationships. Being yourself. Confidence. My mission is to inspire. To give hope. To let those young girls know that everything they are going through, all the awkward and difficult stuff, I’ve gone through too. [...]

The Christmas Win

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You already have the lights out? Total score!

On average during the Christmas season, about five times a day I read the suggestion to “simplify and enjoy the holidays” by “lowering my expectations” and “focusing on the meaning of the season.”  This wisdom is usually followed with a detailed explanation of how to make my own popsicle stick manager scene and give myself [...]