A Letter to My HOA

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Dear Homeowner’s Association, When we first met, I thought you were really cool. Where I came from, the only people who had HOAs were rich people who lived behind gates and carefully manicured trees. My house didn’t even have carefully manicured bushes before I moved to Florida, and there wasn’t a single HOA in all [...]

Mark Zuckerberg Does Not Want To See Your Wiener: A Lesson In Modern Techiquette

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This should go without saying, but it is generally not a good idea to take pictures of your genitals and post them online. [Go ahead and take them down; I’ll wait.] It’s especially important if you’re a celebrity, because the answer to “will this cell phone pic I took of my peen to send to [...]

All of the Name Fame & None of the Perks

Photo Credit: lev radin / Shutterstock.com

For starters, I haven’t had this famous name my whole life, just a lot of it. Married to it 17 years ago, it was more important to my beloved to take his name than it was to me to keep mine, so I gave up Cowan (sorry Dad of 4 girls) overnight basically. I’d suddenly [...]

Your Mouth Just Wrote a Check That Your Ass Can’t Cash

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I called the cops on two girls because they made fun of my hair. Let me explain.

My Chat With Snarky T. Momblogski

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Beta Dad learns the secrets of successful mommyblogging from the woman who invented the art form.

The Boss’s Handbook: When To Lie Your Butt Off

Robin's cell phone

Recently my buddy Robin got a new phone. Yow know, Robin Plemmons? Remember her? Yeah, she went from a janky old cell to a phone that she’s not embarrassed to be seen in public with. One that was smarter than both of us. It was cooler too. It had been naked with Ryan Reynolds already.