6 Sneaky Ways To Tell Your BFF She Looks Horrible in Capris

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Spring is here. The sun is coming out and the winter coats are being put away. Your BFF is asking you to come along on a spring time shopping spree because when temperatures get higher, shirt sleeves and pants legs get shorter. Being the awesome friend that you are, you go with her to the [...]

My Kids Have a Dora Problem

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These are my kids’ brains on Dora.

Why Women Aren’t Funny

Why Women Aren't Funny

I hear a lot of nonsense about how women aren’t funny. In fact, it’s actually a joke I often make myself. You see, I like my humor dry (and shaken, not stirred). See, when I think about spending the afternoon with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, I think about how dull and dreary it would [...]

10 Ways to Tell if Your MIL is the Devil

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If you are married, you have a mother-in-law. Wouldn’t it be easier just to call her what she really is–the woman whom you must tolerate for the rest of your life in order to marry her precious son? Call her by her real name, which is “woman who will never like me despite my best efforts [...]

Dear Kids: I’m Sorry You Had to See Daddy Die. Please Don’t Blame Yourselves.

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A letter to my children from beyond the grave.

The Airplane Armrest

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Back when I was a white-collar cowboy, I regularly traversed the friendly skies, and I gotta tell you — I thought I was something else. Something about the concept of being so valuable to an organization that they’d pay for me to fly all over the country told me that I had officially made it. [...]

It’s All Fun and Games Until Robin Tells Someone I Drank Pee

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I know what you are thinking; this is just a shocker title.  Surely, there is no way that Robin Plemmons would tell someone that you drank pee. And my friend, I would have to tell you that you are wrong. Well that, and to not call me Shirley.  Yeah, I know that was totally way [...]

The Legend of Crazy Eyes and the Snow Day

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Forget the fat kid, don’t take cake from a pregnant woman. Or poke her with a stick. It has been a few years, but I may have been a little psychotic during my last pregnancy. I had a flashback today when I was awakened by multiple automated calls by school officials advising a late start [...]

The Awkward Invitiation

Best use of Photoshop to date. Thanks @aaronvest

My friend just invited me to her friend’s birthday party. I emphasize the her because this birthday woman isn’t really my friend. I have nothing against her; she seems quite lovely except for the fact that I have met her like five time and every single time she is not only pleased to meet me [...]

Bullying: Was it Worse When You Were a Kid?

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A new friend of mine showed me a picture of herself back in 1980 or so, wearing a biker jacket, rocking bleached, spiky hair, a safety pin in her ear, and a practiced sneer. Naturally, we had to start comparing punk rock notes. She had lived in London back in the day, as a college [...]

Wherefore Art Thou, Butt Dial?

"Hello, 911? I'd like to report an emergency. These jeans are doing NOTHING for me."

My butt has it in for me. First of all, since I had my baby it has flattened into the shape and consistency of a pair of week-old, dried-out pancakes. And not silver dollars, either–those gigantic, ottoman-size ones you see on episodes of Man vs. Food. You know how people say “She has an ass [...]

How to Beat the Mean Girl Mom Bloggers at Their Game

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I’m nice and you’re nice. Okay, so that makes at least two of us. What do you do when the catty mom bloggers come to the cafeteria? Because, let’s face it, we’ve got cliques galore. We’ve got the memoir bloggers (the cool kids) and the coupon bloggers (chip on the ol’ shoulder) and the crafty [...]