Ceramic squirrels are a girl’s best friend.


Did you stab anybody this past Christmas? A few women did. One lady stabbed her fiancé during an argument over the color scheme for their wedding. Another woman was so upset when her boyfriend came home without beer on Christmas that she beat and stabbed him with a ceramic squirrel. A ceramic squirrel. Now, I’ve [...]

You’re An Adult So Start Texting Like It


I had a text conversation today. It was actually a conglomeration of text conversations from several people so that my friends who text like that can pretend that it’s not about them. It’s totally about them. Every goddamn one of them. Don’t get me wrong, I love my friends, and just because they do things that [...]

Is It Just Me?


Am I the only one who gets pissed off to the point of veins popping out of my neck when people share things on Facebook that haven’t been checked? A lot of it is stupid and mindless, but there are some that scare the bejeezus out of people. These are the dire warnings. Recently I [...]

The Best Way to Destroy Someone Emotionally

Bike Chick

I was riding to work today as I always do at 8am. I must have been close to the bike lane divider line because some asshole in the full loser bike gear yelled at me as he’s passing me. “Move to the LEFT!!!! Jesus!!!” Look, skinny weirdo bike dick – there’s six feet on either [...]

5 Annoying Things in Healthcare


Listen. I love doctors, really. Well, most of them anyway. I mean we have a few that have saved our kids’ lives, so yes, we love us some doctors. We don’t, however, love waiting in their waiting rooms (one of many pictured above), or horrible offices, or to deal with the consequences of stupid mistakes. [...]

Robert Peed on the Floor

Didn't they all look like this back then?

It happened when I was in kindergarten. Not only did he pee on the floor, but he did it while straddling two sinks in the boys washroom at Plainville Public School, and he didn’t give two shits that I was watching. I, of course, ran to the hall and told the first person I saw. [...]

A Christmas Tradition That Won’t Sap Me of My Very Lifeblood


Does the Christmas spirit of others make you want to lie in bed all day long?

14 First World Problems


I know. This is so whiny. Here’s the thing though, I’m completely okay with that. I think we’ve all earned the right to whine a little bit, and today is my day. Your day could be today as well. Add to this list. If you can’t whine right now because your life is so wonderful [...]

5 Tips for a Holiday Letter that Doesn’t Suck

We don't even mess with big letters. Blog URL. Done.

It’s that time. I’ve seen you on Facebook and Twitter, sharing your pictures of outfits you and your family or just your kid is going to wear on your annual Holiday Letter. If you actually think of yours as a Holiday Letter, please continue reading. Holiday and Letter are capped because this letter isn’t so [...]

How Not to Make a Gratitude List


November, I have decided, will be the month that I give thanks. Usually we reserve the week of Thanksgiving to, you know, give thanks, but this year I think I’ll take the entire month to show my gratitude to all the people who truly made 2012… a huge shit stain on the timeline of epic [...]

The Pumpkin Patch Can Suck It


To celebrate harvest time, let’s all pay money to work in the fields!

7 Rules For The Election Morning-After

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Look. I like my guy, you like your guy, is there really a reason we can’t just agree about that and continue to like each other. I really tried hard not to bash your guy because I think it’s better for me to talk about how much and why I like my guy. Can’t we [...]