A Shampoo By Any Other Name

best freakin shampoo

“What’s in the bag?” I asked my mother as she got into the car following her trip to my hair salon. Whenever my mom comes to visit me from Florida, our first stop is always the hair salon. It must be Jew thing because whenever the snowbirds fly up North, the first thing they do [...]

The Only Accessory You’ll Ever Need

So CHIC!  SO MAGNIFIQUE!  Yes, I'm the epitome of all things fashion. (It's OPPOSITE DAY!)

I have a wicked gag reflex. Go ahead, laugh. I’ll wait. Are you done now? Still being twelve? I’ll wait again… Anywho, I have this gag reflex, so I don’t like to wear things like turtlenecks or tight necklaces or collars that button up. (Not that ANYONE wears turtlenecks anymore. It’s sooooo twenty years ago. [...]

Fancy Lady: Or How I Realized I Was a Hot Mess

Next up? Learning how to take a self-portrait.

This is my story. In the last few years I have lost my fancy self. Completely. I blame these kids. In my twenties I was pretty flashy, a touch gaudy, and a lot drag queen. Then I had kids and here I am thirty-something and sloppy. It started with not wearing any jewels. Because babies [...]

The Secret to Buying the Perfect Bathing Suit

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I loathe the heat and pestilence that is summertime, but I do love swimming. I’m not sure if it’s wading in other people’s urine or the fact that everything tastes better at the beach, but I love to spend time in the water. It’s been many, many years since I’ve had a great beach body. [...]

My Uniform

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I’ve been a stay-at-home/work-at-home parent for nearly twelve years now. I used to get dressed every single day. I’d don a pair of jeans or some khakis or a cute top and I’d take my toddlers on a long walk into town, stopping at the library or grocery store. Those were the days. These days [...]

Skinny Jeans vs. Muffin Top

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I am very particular about my clothes. Most people don’t realize this because I look like hell most of the time and, in the summer, I dress like Elroy Jetson when he was in the Spacecubs. Recently, as I was preparing to go to New York, I realized I needed some new clothes. Dressing like [...]

The Wisdom of Winnie Cooper

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I recently listened to a brilliant Nerdist podcast where Danica McKellar (Winnie Cooper FTW!) was interviewed. I loved how passionately she talked everything from her love of math to her family. She even sung The Animaniacs classic “Nations of The World.” Yup. Totally want to be BFFs with her. One of my favorite parts of [...]

The Unfortunate Location of My Most Attractive Feature

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I never really knew what my most attractive physical feature was, until this year. For the past year I have seen five different doctors about a benign hormone imbalance caused my breastfeeding. Each one has obliged me with a cervical exam.I have never received more compliments on one part of my body in my life! Doctor [...]

Do Everything You Want and Still Gain Weight!

I love cupcakes.

There is no perfect size!! I scoff at patriarchal bullshit that insinuates as much!! But, like, OMG, I am soooo fat. I continue to be fabulous, beautiful and a force to be reckoned with. Nonetheless, I’m a big, fat force to reckoned with. I won’t bore you with why I’m fatter now than ever before, [...]

Aging and Noticing the Unnoticeable

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I turn 30 this year. Which isn’t to say I think 30 is old; I don’t. There are women in their 40’s and 50’s who are more active in a day than I am in a month. But 30 is definitely older than 20, which is the only age I’ve known the past 10 years. [...]

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes of Life

Menopause the Musical

I’m at the point in my life when a woman’s body changes and hormones come into play. By play I mean play cruel jokes and changing things in my body akin to changing combo codes and not being able to get into places like my own backyard. No, I didn’t just get my first period. [...]

Crossing the Bikini Line: Adventures in Pruning the Lady Garden

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My friends include a former editor at Forbes Magazine, an architect, a lawyer from the Slovak Republic, a child development expert, a public relations manager and a screenwriter whose last job included interviewing two war correspondents on the front lines in Iraq.  Recently, at our wine … I mean book… club a hot-button topic rose to [...]