I Accidentally and Purposefully Forget to Flush (Sometimes)

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The first thing I do when I know someone is coming over to my place is check my bathrooms.  For unflushed pee. I’ve written earlier about how I talk to my friends on my phone whilst using the W.C. (British words are cool!). Out of respect I don’t flush during a call. I’m not an animal, for God’s [...]

A Woman with Troubled Feet

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See that? Those are just three pair of shoes that ended up (on this day) at the corner of my dining room table, where my purse and work files and keys end up each time I walk in the door. My feet do not like to be in shoes inside the house. They like to [...]

Why Am I So Hairy?

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I happen to be a very hairy woman. I could explain to you that I am African American/Belgian/Spanish/Samoan descent and so I will forever be resigned to “Wookie” status, but I won’t bore you with the genetic details. I could rail on about how the social pressures of “hair free” women and how society’s fixation [...]

To: God, Re: Anne Hathaway

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To: God.Almighty@heaven.com CC: Buddha@nliten.com, Shiva@rencarn8.com BCC: Mephistopheles@newscorp.com,  Mel.Gibson@hell.com Subject:  Oversight in creation – please make me Anne Hathaway Hi, God, I know you are fairly booked up, but I wanted to see if we could find some time on our schedules to discuss a rather large oversight on your part. I don’t want to point [...]

Lashing Out

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I don’t mean to brag, but I think I can confidently say that I have perfected the role of a perpetual “Before” picture when it comes to day-to-day beauty. I just have no interest, and we’re past the point of no return. But I do wear a little foundation and a coat of mascara, which [...]

So Now I Use Rogaine

Yes, I finally took a photo of myself in the mirror using my phone. I must be the only person ever to do this clothed.

Back in April the woman who cuts my hair dropped the hammer. She suggested we start to leave it a little longer on top. Turns out my hair is thinning. It’s just not as thick and luxurious as once was. I didn’t really pay attention until this weekend. I was heading out and needed to [...]

The Stigma on My Upper Lip

Dirtball at preschool pickup.

Ask me about my mustache!

Sweatpants: A Love Story

Try not to be jealous.

My husband and I share a pair of sweatpants. On me they are big and roomy; on him they are tight as 70s gym clothes. For me they are sleeping sweatpants and eating sweatpants, and every fourth Monday or so they are my half-assed yoga DVD-doing sweatpants. For him, they are his playing-my-nerdy-war-game-on-the-internet sweatpants and [...]

40th Birthday Bucket List

Thinking of taking up wine drinking for my 40th birthday. Wondering if this wine glass is big enough.

Lately the Internets have been abuzz with “bucket lists” from folks who are trying to get the most out of life. It seems, “You Only Live Once” (YOLO) has become a mantra on everything from tee shirts to websites to talk shows and everything in between. I’ve decided that since I’m approaching forty, I’m going to write [...]

Not By the Hair of My Chinny-Chin-Chin

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As I got to that “certain age,” somewhere between menstrual cramps and hot flashes, I was prepared for things like lip lines, upper arm fat and the fold of blubber that shows up right under your butt. But somehow, someone along the way forgot to warn me of one of the other scourges of aging: [...]

The Lazy Person’s Guide to Imaginary Weight Loss

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Co-authored by Kristina, frequent Aiming Low guest poster and writer of On-Blank.com My buddy Kristina and I were having a jolly good text chat. The topic of discussion turned to exercise and how we both need to do it, but generally hate it. Then we realized that we DO exercise every single day! You probably [...]

A Time to Shave

Look at those attractive, hairless feet!  YOU'RE WELCOME!

It’s nearly Autumn. In the summer I am much more interested in hair removal. No one wants to see me looking like a wookie in a bathing suit, you know? Luckily for me, I’m fair. Which means mostly blondish hair on my legs. But also means mostly not blondish hair in my underarms, which translates [...]