Years ago I dated a woman from Colorado. I made plans to go visit and flew down to spend the weekend. I had told her how, years ago, I wore jeans that were tight in the crotch because I thought women found them sexy. Obviously I was wrong. She made me promise to bring them…
Beauty?
The Feral Toddler Exercise Plan
I hate the gym. Not because I have upper arms which jiggle more than your Aunt Martha’s Mystery Easter Jello Mold, but because of women who insist on wearing a full frontal mask of make-up and designer clothes when they work out. Working out isn’t pretty time. It’s hot sweaty mess time. It’s “I have…
Zumba: The New Jazzercise
If I had known signing up for Zumba would be so humiliating for my daughter, I would have done it months ago. I have such fond memories of clenching my butt cheeks alongside my unitard-clad mother to Jane Fonda videos in our living room, so I honestly thought my teenager might want to take the…
Ma’am
So the bag boys and girls at the grocery store have started calling me “ma’am.” Right before they ask if I need help to my car. I assume this is standard protocol and not because my high fiber oatmeal suggests I can’t manage a solo journey across the parking lot. And I’m certain the employees are…
3 Pictures Most People Wouldn’t Take With Their iPhones
Have you ever analyzed the type of pictures that you tend to take? I think most people have a picture-taking style or interest. Some people’s pictures will consist primarily of their kids, pets or themselves. Some like landscapes, signs or food. Do you know what I discovered when I was skimming through all my iPhone…
Dirge of the Bridesmaid: Part 1
About a year ago, I was a bridesmaid in my brother-in-law’s wedding. The weeks leading up to the event were filled with a mild sense of apprehension on my part. I was honored to be included, but the vision that the bride-to-be painted for her big day made my non-girlie-girl knees shake. I was sure…
10 Spring 2012 Fashion Trends You Have My Full Permission to Ignore
There are a few trends for Spring 2012 I am hoping 2013 might weed out for us.
Hey, Eyes Up Here
Do your boobs hang low? Can you swing them to and fro? Can you tie ‘em in a knot? Can you tie ‘em in a bow? Do they flip and flop and dangle, Do they wind around your ankles? Can you do the double shuffle? When your boobs hang low? At 21, a friend of…
