My Brain Won’t Let Me Sleep

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I’m a huge fan of sleep. It’s one of my favorite things in the world. You know, after my husband, daughters, Doctor Who (I’m loving Capaldi’s outfit), rainbow sprinkles, and crispy bacon. But some nights I can’t go to sleep. Actually, it’s more like my brain won’t LET me sleep. That’s right. It keeps talking. [...]

Early Retirement?

If you have to get old, you might as well do it with pizzazz.

Winter seems to be going on forever around here. The dog is dragging his wiener every time he goes out for a pee, and I seem to be shoveling more of the salty slush that the plow keeps throwing in the driveway. It’s a constant barrage of melancholia and it’s really taking it’s toll on [...]

My hair is the Janet of Three’s Company.

"Hey girls. Anyone up for Ladies Night?"

My hair is boring. It blends in and is unseen. It’s the Janet of Three’s Company, the Jan of The Brady Bunch, the Jennifer of Family Ties. Until I was twelve-years-old I had really long, all-the-way-down-to-my-butt hair. Then I cut it to the shoulder length, parted on the side, and developed the mushroom shaped hairstyle [...]

Norovirus, exciting and new.

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It’s time. To the cast of “The Love Boat,” I’m looking at you. It’s time to get the gang back together for made-for-teevee movie magic. You’re the only ones who can save us, the only life raft that can keep us afloat in the choppy waters of good cruises gone bad. Clearly, I’m talking about [...]

Valentine’s Gift Guide for the Non-Romantic.

Photo credit: Justin Ficklin

Valentine’s Day insists on coming again this year and it vexes the non-romantic among us. For example, me. I hate flowers. They die. I might as well take two twenty dollar bills out of my wallet and fling them out the window of my minivan. They’re labor intensive. You get them thrust at you and [...]

Snowed In

A portion of the 50 vehicle accident a few miles from our place.

You may or may not know this, but I am a big fan of date nights. It’s true, I absolutely love having a night alone with my beautiful lady. What you might not know about me is that every two weeks, I get a date weekend, and I love them even more. This weekend was [...]

Enjoy the Moment

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I like technology. I like it a lot. Without it, we wouldn’t have the internet, smart phones, or social media. Three things that I have grown greatly accustomed to. There are so many wonderful things that can be said in favor of smart phones and social media. Smart phones can help us navigate to somewhere [...]

Gird your loins: V-Day is coming!

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Valentine’s Day is coming up faster than you’d like to believe. Although I have a general distaste for Hallmark holidays, I’m gonna tell it to you straight: if you’re in any kind of relationship, you need to know what the explicit expectations are for this holiday of lurve. At my house, I make meatloaf. No [...]

Calgon refuses to take me away.

I slipped away after supper thinking I might grab a relaxing soak in the tub. The first 90 seconds of my bath? Sublime. Remember those “Calgon, Take Me Away” ads from the 1970s? For a minute and a half, I was that last scene of the transformed harried housewife, at last calmly luxuriating in her [...]

I Felt Like a Kid Again

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When my husband and I started tossing around the idea of surprising our daughters with their first trip to Disneyland* during our vacation in San Diego I felt unsure and excited at the same time. I knew the holiday crowd was probably going to be a little crazy but I was almost certain that my girls would [...]

My Wife Found Her X Chromosome

Baby? Was I supposed to thaw this out first? It seems a bit rare.

I think she must have cracked up a bit while I was away this time, because when I got home, the house was clean, the dog was still alive, and she was already planning the next night’s dinner. Seriously. I know this doesn’t seem like a big deal to all of you Martha Stewart wannabes, [...]

Ceramic squirrels are a girl’s best friend.

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Did you stab anybody this past Christmas? A few women did. One lady stabbed her fiancé during an argument over the color scheme for their wedding. Another woman was so upset when her boyfriend came home without beer on Christmas that she beat and stabbed him with a ceramic squirrel. A ceramic squirrel. Now, I’ve [...]