There are eleventy billion articles about why Disneyworld is awesome. Here’s one about the ways in which it blows.
Self
Do I Have a Drinking Problem?
We’re visiting my Mormon brother and sister-in-law in Salt Lake City. I’m an agnostic heathen. We have five kids between us. Here’s a typical day… 10 a.m.Wheeler Farm: Kids feed ducks. I step in pig poo. 12:30 p.m. Dinosaur Museum: Kids brush sand off dinosaur fossils. I forget protective goggles and get a sandcastle in my eyes….
The Life Cycle of a Construction Worker’s Wolf Whistle
The passage of time in a woman’s life can obviously be depicted in many ways. Her figure, her face, her hair and her demeanor all change, mostly to her detriment unless she has money a-plenty for surgical enhancements. Her attitude towards life obviously changes too; this is noticeable in her attitude to the wolf whistle…
I Tried on Women’s Jeans – and Something Terrible Happened
Years ago I dated a woman from Colorado. I made plans to go visit and flew down to spend the weekend. I had told her how, years ago, I wore jeans that were tight in the crotch because I thought women found them sexy. Obviously I was wrong. She made me promise to bring them…
He’s Sexy and He Knows It
There are fundamental differences between men and women. Some are obvious, like having a penis or a lack thereof, while others are subtler. But there are definite nuances that separate the people of Venus from the people of Mars. Here are a few signs that you might be a man:
The When Harry Met Sally Principle
My husband and I had a date night last weekend. It was the third time we’d been out without our infant son, and so naturally we were trying to drink as much as possible before the bill arrived, or we were summoned back home to an inconsolable baby, whichever came first. We were on new…
My Personal Tale of Good Enough: My Makeshift Security System
I’m a little nutso about home security – as in completely insane. I always need the doors locked and on hot nights, I leave the bedroom windows open just a crack in case an enterprising stabber rock climbs our sheer walls to gain access to my body. I also must have our home alarm activated…
Why Am I Here?
Recently, I wrote about my secret dirty love affair with the suburbs. I love the perfect parks with their gorgeously uniform rose bushes. I love the top-rated elementary schools. I love the happy, pretty people. I love my square footage. I know that something is missing: it’s that crazy, joyful buzz and diversity of the city….
