Maybe you don’t get out much and a friend invites you to an event and you immediately scream “YES I’LL GO!” because you haven’t left the house since you had that weird growth on your foot removed/your baby was born/your mother-in-law came to visit and you are just a tiny bit desperate to go out [...]
I don’t go out to the movies often. If I am lucky enough to secure a sitter, movie-going is about #18 on my list of things I would rather do without children. It is sandwiched between showing up stag to a pap smear and attending an obligatory baby shower. I can count on my fingers [...]
So, if you Googled this to get the lyrics to Common’s song, Misunderstood, sorry. You’re shit out of luck. Don’t get me wrong, you did good to get here, it’s just that I don’t like using adverbs in my title, so my bad there. Because this is a post about lyrics that are commonly misunderstood. [...]
Working a late swing shift for over 10 years, I often found myself on my lunch break at midnight being seduced by promises of silky hair, a tight tush, and offers of imminent wealth. All I had to do was pick up the phone and commit to a few payments of $19.95 plus shipping and [...]
I met Chris at Blissdom when he was starting out as a musician in early 2009. He was incredibly nice and funny and goofy. Yes, he was cute too. Then I had my strokes. My first conference trip was to NYC where I saw Chris. It was so sweet to know that he was encouraging [...]
Setting: Prehistoric Times, a.k.a. 1977. Susan, am running ten minutes late to meet u at Leif Garrett concert. Was playing “I Was Made for Dancin’” on my 8-Track and got tangled in the tape. Save my seat!* *message scrawled on scrap of typewriter paper and attached to leg of carrier pigeon, released into the air. [...]
Kevin Bacon: Bacon Bits. (I mean, duh. This is a no-brainer, like Geiss Cubes on 30 Rock. And having once had breakfast with The Bac, I know he’s a deep thinker.) Humpty Hump: I Once Got Busy in a Burger King Bathroom. (Sells itself.) Barack Obama: Barack The Boat: Paddleboating With POTUS (Is that a [...]
I thought I’d help the menfolk out this year with ideas on how to make your wife feel special on Mother’s Day (which, by the way, is May 13–missing it entirely would not be wise). A quick perusal of flickr using the terms “husband wife connect” gave me some lovely visual inspiration–and a lot of [...]
There are a number of blogs out there–over half a million in fact. Many of these blogs are started with the naive intent to become rich and famous. Let’s famous it, we’d all love to get paid 6 figures (or even 3 figures) to play on the computer all day. After all, isn’t playing on [...]
We all know that baldness is caused by an extra dose of testosterone, the manly hormone. So bald men are, literally, more manly than your average fully haired model. Tough guy wannabes know this. This is why they shave their heads, to imitate their more manly brothers. Close cropped, shiny topped, horseshoe-headed or all gone, [...]
I hear a lot of nonsense about how women aren’t funny. In fact, it’s actually a joke I often make myself. You see, I like my humor dry (and shaken, not stirred). See, when I think about spending the afternoon with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, I think about how dull and dreary it would [...]
We’ve all been there. We’ve walked out of a dark theater into the blinding sunlight feeling disheveled and ashamed of ourselves. We’ve wondered what we did to deserve sitting through the atrocity we’ve just seen. We contemplate writing a strongly-worded letter to the studio to harangue them for having the balls to take our money [...]
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