The Real Cost of Children

AL_Abby

I have read a plethora of articles about the incurred expense of babies and children, and the focus is normally on things like formula, Mommy and Me classes, and college tuition. Some costs that seem to have gone unnoticed (or purposely ignored?) are items like our sanity, waistlines, and various personal affects. So today I [...]

The Things She Carried

sandalssocks

In the wake of any relationship’s conclusion, via break-up or death, we carry pieces of that person with us long after their face fades from sight. Without warning, we can be transported back into time. Bette Midler’s “The Rose” triggers memories of my Grandmother’s funeral. One whiff of Calvin Klein’s Obsession takes me back to [...]

And We Will Never, Ever Vacation Again

It's all fun and cute games until Mommy doesn't get enough sleep

Recently, my husband and I tried to be fun and took our kids to the beach for a week.  As it turned out, we are the antithesis of fun, and it quickly became apparent that beach vacationing may be out of our league.  FAR out of our league. The whole messy business started with packing.  [...]

I’m BOASTING, BABY!!!!!

aliza

So, you know how so many people post Facebook status updates the night before the first day of school? “Lunches are packed! Kids in bed! Backpacks ready! Forms filled out! Relaxing with a glass of wine and hubby!” And it’s only 8 p.m.? Some are dear friends of mine – and I hope they still [...]

Why Sometimes My Dates Cancel

I gotta be me

Well, not technically “stood up.” In the afternoon my date sent me a text message, “Something came up – can’t make it tonight. So sorry.” I’m about to reveal something here – something that you’re going to cringe at. I’m going to tell you why I believe she canceled the date. But it will sound [...]

The Incredible Dancing Six-Toed Woman

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It all started one morning when my husband and I were walking the dog. A woman stopped us to ask how to get to the Dali Museum. My husband gave her completely wrong directions because he was confusing his left and his right. I guess that’s what happens when you’re a genius. I wouldn’t know. [...]

Why Don’t They Make Hooters for Women?

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My husband loves to annoy me. One of his favorite ways is by suggesting the family eat dinner at Hooters. The kids (I need to point out, they are all girls) hang on his every word. But they don’t understand what Hooters is. Nor do they understand the concepts of dirty old men, negative attention, [...]

My Husband, the Single Dad

Daddy'sDay

A funny thing happens when my husband, Zach, takes both of our kids anywhere by himself. He turns into a rock star. It has nothing to do with how he feels about himself, but everything to do with how the throngs of women, ages 16 – 80, perceive him to be: a bumbling dad just [...]

My Authentic Self. Which One?

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I’m as spiritual as the next new-ager, but I’m struggling with the life charge to find and live as your “authentic self.” For my non-spirit-seeking friends that means, dig deep inside, find your ugly truths and live them. To take it further; outer reality is illusion and only what we know and feel inside, is [...]

Built To Last… A Year or Two

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I’m going to drive this car into the ground. You hear people say that. But what you don’t hear people say is, I’m going to get the last rinse cycle out of this dishwasher if it’s the last thing I do. We don’t plan out our relationships with major appliances that long. We buy ‘em. [...]

Signs Your Kid Might Grow Up To Be a Super Villain

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A lot of times people show their careers at a very young age. Like you see Little Timmy behaving a certain way and you’ll say, “Oh, he’s going to grow up to be such a good policeman.” And then in a few years, you have Officer Timothy, heading up the Block Parent Association meeting at [...]

Lay versus Lie Gives Woman Freakin’ Heart Attack

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Chickens lay eggs, people lie down. But then what about “Now I lay me down to sleep…?” Never mind,  read this: “Every afternoon we lay down and rest for an hour,” laying is okay here because it’s in the past. But are we chickens now? Stop thinking. Here’s more: the past participle of the verb [...]