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Tena

Fat People TV

on March 12, 2010 in Pop Culture

This is where I review this week in weight loss TV shows to try and inspire myself to not eat all of the damn birthday cake that seems to keep invading my kitchen. I was down 12 lbs. Then back up 4. Because donuts are good and blood and needles are messy. On the bright side, still down 8 [...]

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The Freaky Plastic Burger King Dude Has it Out for Me

by Tena

on March 10, 2010 in We Like Stuff

Believe it or not, I don’t have many vices. Xanax is a friend of mine on occasion, sure, but I can honestly say, I don’t depend on it (except that time of the month or when my husband is on vacation or the kids are home on summer break or when I have to spend extended [...]

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A Day in the Life

by Tena

on March 2, 2010 in Parenting

2:30—Leave house. 2:45—Get to the carpool lot to pick up kid #3. 3:30—Leave said lot after ridiculously methodical procession while cursing about those 45 minutes of my life I’ll never get back. 3:45—Go to party supply store to get Mardi Gras stuff for class party and rethink EVER volunteering again or maybe dig out the meds I [...]

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Fat People TV

by Tena

on February 23, 2010 in Pop Culture

This week in fat people TV, no Biggest Loser because of the Olympics, and frankly, watching Olympic athletes doesn’t do it for me…so bring on the fat celebrities… and intriguing commentary and highlights. (You can follow along on Monday nights on VH1, in case I miss something, ya know, while refilling my bowl of ice cream.) [...]

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If You’re One of Those Wrestling Moms, Sorry, I Was the One Playing Tetris on my Cell Phone

by Tena

on February 16, 2010 in Parenting

I survived the boy brigade. Eleven boys took over my house for Superbowl. It would make for a better story if I told you they were hanging from chandeliers and starting fires, but they were actually well behaved, polite and relatively calm. They even used my Internet and did not search for porn. I checked. I took [...]

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Fat People TV

by Tena

on February 16, 2010 in Pop Culture

I’m on a mission. To lose weight. Besides eating right and exercising, I have a couple resources… Celebrity Fit Club and The Biggest Loser. They serve as my motivation and my partners in this journey. If I MUST watch TV (and I must), it might as well be something that makes me feel like shit [...]

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I used to have a crush on her

by Tena

on February 4, 2010 in Playing House

About ten years ago, I was obsessed with home remodeling shows. It was so 2000, but it was all the rage. Cliche as it was, I enjoyed me some Trading Spaces. I even applied to the show although my neighbor at the time said she wouldn’t do it if Hilde or Doug would be doing her [...]

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Dangers of Housework

by Tena

on January 26, 2010 in Playing House

One of my last memories of manually washing my dishes, ended up with me in an ER. No shit. We lived in a quaint Gingerbread 1920′s Tudor style home. Quaint is the word used to describe something that seems fun at first, but upon further inspection, is just a pain in the ass. The hardwood floors [...]

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You never know if someone is a killer or a good samaritan

by Tena

on January 11, 2010 in Love Life

My husband and I lived together before we were married. I had a son already when I met him, for I was a whore. One Sunday afternoon, my husband needed to attend a convention with a co-worker and offered to drive. Then he remembered that he didn’t renew his license plates and since this was a [...]

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Or maybe I should just move to the Jersey Shore…

by Tena

on January 4, 2010 in Identity

With the New Year upon us, I feel pressure to make resolutions, even if only to break them, like I normally do. But, you see, I’m in a huge rut. A funk. Big fat lull. Emphasis on the big and fat. I’m grossing myself out. Learning that when your pants fall down, epidemically, it’s NOT [...]

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